Monday, May 22, 2017

Dare Spiritum Meum

consummatum est
et inclinato capite tradidit spiritum

~o~

Sunday, May 21, 2017

A Different Quiet

"i have learned that if you must leave
a place that you have lived in and loved
and where all your yesterdays are buried
deep...leave it any way except a slow way
leave it the fastest way you can. never turn
back and never believe that an hour you
remember is a better hour because it is dead.
passed years seem safe ones
while the future lives in a cloud
formidable from a distance
the cloud clears as you enter it"

this house tonight
a different quiet
this night
darker
i sit
 in vacant contemplation
of nothing...

Saturday, May 20, 2017

In the Eye of God

"i want... first of all...to be at peace with myself.
i want a singleness of eye...a purity of intention...
a central core to my life that will enable me to 
carry out these obligations and activities as well
as i can. i want...in fact...to borrow from the
language of the saints...to live "in grace" as much
of the time as possible. by grace i mean an inner
harmony...essentially spiritual...which can be
translated into outward harmony. i would like to
achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from
which i could function and give as i was meant
to in the eye of God."



Friday, May 19, 2017

The Wilderness in the Mind

 "it is not physical solitude that actually separates one
from others...not physical isolation...but spiritual
isolation. it is not the desert island nor the stony
wilderness that cuts you from the people you love.
it is the wilderness in the mind...the desert wastes
in the heart through which one wanders lost and
a stranger. when one is a stranger to oneself then
one is estranged from others too. if one is out of 
touch with oneself...then one cannot touch others.
only when one is connected to one's own core is
one connected to others. and...for me...the core...
the inner spring...can best be refound through
solitude."


Thursday, May 18, 2017

My Week So Far......

i live on four acres in the country.
the good thing (???) is:   there is
always something to do to keep myself
busy...which is how i manage my mood
swings.


i started this week on sunday...mother's day... by
cutting grass and then tearing down the fencing
and poles around this chicken coop.  the grass
was overgrown inside and there were large rocks
all around the perimeter...soooo

i made another rock stack in front of the derelict
house on my property.

monday i cleaned up all the wood and wire from
sunday...removed all the nails and staples from
the wood and carried it to the recycle pile at the
back of my property.

tuesay i finished the chainsaw carving of my barn
owl and rested up before going to my weekly group
meeting with some fellow artists.

wednesday i made a "deep south" storage shed for
my mower by tearing off half of the covered porch
on the side of the derelict house

not pretty...i know...but i'd rather spend the money
it would take to build a shed on the tools i need
for my chainsaw art!

and today i pulled the nails from all the porch decking
and wood..stacked the recyclable pieces...burned the
junk..pulled up some metal fence posts that were
protecting a fig bush that didn't make it..put out
some snake deterrent around the house and sheds...
put some ant deterrent out around my screened
porch (i don't know WHAT they are after!)...

i cut back this butterfly bush (this made me SAD)
this bush is over ten yrs old and at one point was
higher than my house but the weight of it caused
the bush to fall over and no amount of staking would
keep it off the ground so i cut it back.. then trimmed
the high grass and vinca from under the bird feeder...
which i refilled.

i wanted to build a support table for my chainsaw
carving but the heat pretty much zapped my energy
today so i called it done...kicked off my shoes and
did a little porch sitting.

as for tomorrow...i hope to get that table built so
i can get started on some carving....

 






Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Walking in Sadness

i spent some time yesterday evening
walking this medicine wheel
thinking about my life
talking with God
i struggle with how to "be"
in this world
i just...
struggle
 
can you feel
the 
sadness?
 




Tuesday, May 16, 2017

The Gift of Flight




i finally got around to finishing my
barn owl today.

this is the second of three trees
that i promised to honor by making 
them a piece of art.
 
do we capture a spirit when we
create an effigy...their thoughts...
their dreams?
 
i hope by giving this tree wings
that it's spirit is given the 
gift of flight...
 




Monday, May 15, 2017

Yes Please......

the little black shack
great mackerel beach
new south wales
    yes please....


Sunday, May 14, 2017

Carhartt Women





 a special shout out to
all the other fierce
hard working
hard playing
carhartt women
soft but strong
unapologetic and honest
ennobled by their scars
who look a challenge
dead in the eye
and give it a
  wink

happy mothers day to all





Saturday, May 13, 2017

Baby Steps




i've started a new project
a barn owl
this is just the roughing out stage
done entirely with my chainsaw
 
 


this is what i started with
i didn't have to sit with this one
the owl stared back at me
immediately

i can feel that i'm gaining better
control of my chainsaw
 
baby steps...






Friday, May 12, 2017

The Hidden Life of Trees


did you know...
 
 when animals begin eating the leaves of a tree
 that tree gives off a scent to warn other trees nearby 
causing them to produce toxins in their leaves 
to discourage the animals?
 
when insects feed on a tree the
tree "tastes" the insect's saliva...recognizing the 
species...and sends out scents that attract
the predators of that insect? 

in a forest...if one tree isn't well the 
neighboring trees will send nutrients
via their root systems to support the ailing
tree?

scientists have recorded sounds emitting
from the root system of trees thought to
be a form of communication?

this book....
a MUST read



Thursday, May 11, 2017

We Are All Story Keepers



Deep-Singer, Story Keeper from Elementum Journal on Vimeo.

we are all story keepers
  sing your song...

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Too Jody

georgia okeeffe
doesn't she epitomize the definition
of a strong woman?
 
i have always admired strong women.
from my early teens through adulthood
i chose my aunt edith as my role model.
she lived the most interesting life and i
wanted to be just like her. my family all
had a different opinion of her...she was
just... "too edith"
 
most everyone in my family has told me at 
one time or another that i remind them of her.
 i'm not sure they always mean that as a 
compliment ...but i choose to take it that way. 

i try to be a strong woman
but inside...
i'm a lost little girl seeking
love and approval
 
i wear the mask of a strong woman
i have days when i can pull off
that persona exceptionally well
today is not one of them....


Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Wood Spirit

yesterday was the first day i played
with my chainsaw after a three week
lay about waiting for my broken toes
to heal. this is the first face i've ever
carved...trying for a wood spirit. i was
just happy to be able to be outside
working....and walking!



Monday, May 8, 2017

i am...



Sunday, May 7, 2017

I'm Still Standing



i often wonder why anyone would want to read
about my struggles...but there is a part of me that knows
sharing these daily scrimmages is the right thing to do.
everyone has their own wars
we seek connection...we seek ourselves in others to prove
we are not the only ones with broken pieces. 
we are all part of the scar clan 

life isn't always easy when you are born
with an oceanic heart. you feel things too
deeply...see things differently...love too fiercely
but that's ok
you become a warrior
life hardens you off just enough that inside
you remain tender but on the outside 
you are strong
and you greet each day
shield and sword in hand
and cry out
im
still
standing
 

Saturday, May 6, 2017

DTs

did i mention that i've given up coffee?
day 5
  sigh...
 



Friday, May 5, 2017

Watching Stars

 
 
3:00am finds me 
watching stars
star watchers
kindred spirits
i love this painting 
by Mary Newcomb

 




Thursday, May 4, 2017

I Can Crawl





i can't fly
and...
recovering from four broken toes
can't run
or even walk well
but...
i
can
crawl



Wednesday, May 3, 2017

It's Time.....





it's time...


Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Let Go



weight
infinitely bent
let go
 
there are all types of weight
i carry many

responsibility
sorrow
guilt
 body

it all comes down to
letting go

hard for a
control freak

but
i'm
  trying



Monday, May 1, 2017

CAUTION.......




 
caution
coffee detox
this head


Sunday, April 30, 2017

Conundrum


clueless
how do i exist in this world
conundrum

 

Saturday, April 29, 2017

God the Jokester

trying to figure out the lesson
....still



Friday, April 28, 2017

Farmers of Light




i bless this darkness
for without it
i would never do this work
i would be distracted continually
but in the dark
robbed of my sight
i must look inward
and while it is painful
i bless the wisdom
in me
that brought me here

i will try to be the best
student i can
of the night
for i sense
the quality of
myself here
is the quality that will come with me
as i walk through the rest of my days
and my willingness to really
roll up my sleeves
to do the hard work
will determine my experience here
in the long night of my soul
and will determine the length
 of my stay
and will determine
i think
even the length and quality
of my return to day
 so quiet...body
i know you are afraid
you crawl out of your skin
with the fear that
this darkness is here
forever
and quiet...mind
focus
on your mirror image
see the starlight within
and grow those points of light out
until the light swells across our internal
horizon
spilling outward
we are not in the business of
fighting darkness
we are farmers of light
so stay quiet...body
stay focused...mind
stare at the stars
quiet yourself
and know
i am alive in here
waking inside myself

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Bird Murmuration on Crack


sleepless
cacophony thoughts
bipolar

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I Can Carry This



one day you finally knew
what you had to do..and began
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles
"mend my life!"
each voice cried
but you didn't stop
you knew what you had to do
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations
though their melancholy
was terrible
it was already late
enough..and a wild night
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones
but little by little
as you left their voices behind
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do...
determined to save
the only life you could save

its up to me
i
can
carry
this

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Seeking





clouds shift
illumination
the heart knows

some days
thoughts dance wildly
meditation
750 words
morning pages
seeking clarity
seeking answers
seeking...



Monday, April 24, 2017

Sleepless


let the snake wait under his weed
and the writing be of words
slow and quick
sharp to strike
quiet to wait
sleepless

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Becoming Legend


some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness
and they live by what they hear
such people become crazy
...or they become legend