Monday, February 19, 2018

Beneath the Mask





i arrange my face 
to give others the version of myself
least likely to unsettle them

experimenting today with joint 
compound on wood


Saturday, February 17, 2018

No Truer Truth


no truer truth....

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Burned Into Bone





a tree begins its life
 reaching for the light
and ends up
standing in the light

i find myself reaching less
"being" more
shrouded with memories
burned into bone


Friday, February 9, 2018

Messengers




the dead send messages
on the wings of birds

in the language of loss
 
i sit in silence
listening
 
wounds so heavy
only silence helps
carry them




Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Empty





is it longing that moves the sea?

 listening
the wind whispers your name
through the hole in my heart
 empty of even haunting 

 



Monday, February 5, 2018

Lightworkers 6 & 7

lightworker 6

lightworker 7

these complete my lightworker series
i chose to finish with the crone
she best represents where i am
on my path

i started this form of painting for therapy
to try and recenter myself
and used digital painting because i 
couldn't afford supplies
as a virgo
it has been a challenge for me 
to use this free flowing
intuitive type of painting
with its wonky lines
and misshapen bodies
but that's really what life
is all about...isn't it
none of us are perfect
but we have all been given
this gift of a body
for our soul to inhabit








Sunday, February 4, 2018

Lightworker 5




she is our mother
giver of life
i thank her daily for the blessings
she gives me
 
i offer her kindness
healing energy
and do my best to 
leave only soft footprints
along my path
 




Saturday, February 3, 2018

Lightworker 4





we are all one
we are all connected
earth 
air
fire
water

descending into
an ancient 
quiet



Friday, February 2, 2018

Lightworkers




lightworker
healer
soother
peace bringer
i am all these things

these are the beginning of my
lightworker series
we lightworkers have been given
 a gift
and are guided to share




"some days i speak in a thousand tongues
and never use words"

truth...

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Still


still.........

Saturday, January 27, 2018

:(: Insomnia :):

one of the harder things for me to deal with
as someone who is bipolar
is the sleep cycles
or i should say the non sleep cycles
after three or four days straight of
one to two hours of sleep a night
i start losing my motor control
my ears ring
my vision is impaired
and when the cycle passes
that first sleep is usually so deep
i awake in a fugue state
and have a day feeling like i'm
underwater

sleeping is a chore for me
and it makes me dread even
trying

if you could smell this picture
it would smell of
hopelessness



Friday, January 26, 2018

KO'D


ko'd
knocked out
more times than i can count
i hear the voices whispering
stay down fool
but i pull myself back up
for one more try
i'm just stupid that way

Thursday, January 25, 2018

The Mercy of Angels





no matter how often i jump
i always receive the mercy of
angels

 i don't know if my guardian angel drinks or not
but i do feel sure it will before my story is finished
 

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Postmortem





whatever asks
heart kneels
and offers to
bear


Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Say Something






anywhere
i would have followed
you

Monday, January 22, 2018

Trying To Hold It Together



 
i need a sign to let me know you're here
all of these lines are being crossed
 over the atmosphere
i need to know that things
 are gonna look up
'cause i feel us drowning
 in a sea spilled from a cup
when there is no place safe 
and no safe place to put my head
when you feel the world shake
 from the words that are said
i need a sign to let me know you're here
'cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear
i want a reason for the way things have to be
i need a hand to help build up
 some kind of hope inside of me
and i'm calling all angels
 
i'm calling all you angels



Sunday, January 21, 2018

Would I Lie To You


little white lies

the last person i can trust
or believe is
me

Saturday, January 20, 2018

God-Haunted Righteousness


"we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the
best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will
turn out to be." ~ c.s. lewis


there is anger
so much anger
not directed at him
but...
god 


 

Friday, January 19, 2018

The Wolf At My Door





few things in life are worse than
lies that steal someone's faith


Thursday, January 18, 2018

Jus' One of Those Days


sometimes the greatest source of our suffering
are the lies we tell ourselves

tonight finds me screaming at the stars:

fuck it



Wednesday, January 17, 2018

That Last Glance

snow
we don't get too much of it around here
and when we do folks tend to go a little
nuts...rushing out for bread and milk
...ending up in ditches
 
now that i'm retired i choose a simpler way
of dealing with it...spending the day with one of
my favorite author's new book. he writes of the seedy
side of life...victims...law enforcement officers
it's nice to be able to read about it instead of
 having to deal with it

two of my friends and officers were shot 
yesterday...along with two other officers i didn't
know... ambushed while on a domestic violence
call...always the most dangerous of situations. they
are expected to be ok but one of the others is in
critical condition. every one who makes their living
protecting others knows that last glance at your
home and loved ones before you leave could be
your last

i've been sending up prayers for det. roby
who is fighting for the chance of another
glance. if you are so inclined...he could use
your prayers also 



 



Tuesday, January 16, 2018

The Weight of Words

the weight of words

some things in life can not be fixed
...they can only be carried

this piece began with a picture of my front
porch taken with the slow cam app on my
iphone. i added the figure and background 
writing with procreate..texture in distressed fx
 then finished by adding letters across her back
 in path on. 

if you could smell this picture.... 
it would smell of 
sadness



Monday, January 15, 2018

Wearing Myself Down

the year 2017 kicked my ass
that's not a complaint
it's a fact
 
this year isn't starting out much better
i think counseling might help...but
no insurance
no money
fear
....not sure they won't send the
men in the little white suits

instead of self medicating
...drugs
...alcohol
i'm immersing myself in art
 
i've never been one who could choose
a single path when it comes to art
...or anything else to be honest
so i dabble
little of this
little of that
trying to wear myself down
to who i'm meant to be


my goal is to survive the wearing
away in order to become that person
it's all i can hope for



Sunday, January 7, 2018

Time's Up





ordered mine!!!!!



Tuesday, November 28, 2017

I'M A TURKER!




i haven't had much to say on here lately
poor excuse of a blogger
i apologize to those of you who have
been kind enough to read about my
crazy life.

i've recently started doing some marketing
research through amazon's mturk program.


it gives me a little mad money
to me....a lot of the jobs i do feel
like playing games...not something you'd
ever get rich doing but once you build up
your approval rate it's not unrealistic to 
expect to bring in an extra $500 - $600
a month. 

anywhoooooo....
that's my excuse 
just wanted to let you 
know i won't be posting
as often for a while as i
try to build up my approval rate

i'm officially a
turker




Sunday, November 19, 2017

Truth #10





truth....


Monday, November 13, 2017

Naked And Flawed





what does it feel like
 to stand
naked
and
flawed...
 
if it feels like
you versus the world
chances are it's really
you versus
yourself



Sunday, November 12, 2017

The Spirit of Women





i can't help but think
how much kinder
this world would be
withwomen's
leadership

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Keeper of the Feathered Ones




often
it's the ones 
who fly solo
that have the 
strongest wings


Friday, November 10, 2017

The Lost Words





"once upon a time...words began to
vanish from the language of children.
they disappeared so quietly that at first
almost on one noticed... until one day
they were gone.

but there is an old kind of magic for
finding what is missing...and for
summoning what has vanished. if the
right spells are spoken...the lost
words might return...."





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