Sunday, November 29, 2009


no matter what happens in our lives there's one goes on.......the sun may slide off the sky and drown in a sherbet puddle.....but it will surely rise again tomorrow........
that's really all we can ask from life.........a chance to rise and start again.......tomorrow........

Saturday, November 21, 2009

i'm not moving.........

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and you're heart starts to wonder where on this earth i could be
thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

so i'm not moving
i'm not moving ............

august........1993........i'm not moving..............

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

november 18...........

today is a bitter sweet day…………..lots of memories………..some bad………..some good………all in the past. It’s good to open yourself up to pain sometimes………… proves you’re still alive……..wasn’t so sure I was for a long....long..... time….but….i am…….i’m trying to let past hurts mold me into a better person……a stronger person……a kinder person…………i want to reach out and touch moonbeams…….feel the wind off the ocean on my face……witness the wonders of the world with a child’s curiosity……dance naked under the stars……….stand on the highest mountain and gaze out across the clouds……….feed my spirit and soul with all nature has to offer………and walk basked in love for myself….. because i matter…..i matter……..i am the brilliant light of ten thousand shooting stars…..soaring thru the night….making my way slowly to where i’m supposed to be……to the exact spot created just for me…….my destiny…… place in the universe…… home…………..

Sunday, November 15, 2009


i snapped this shot last night in the just took my breath away. it was the perfect ending to a beautiful day. as i looked up i felt so small and insignificant.......but connected to something much greater than myself...........and.....again..........felt blessed.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Monday, November 9, 2009

beyond words

A Secular Sermon - by Ben Okri

We began before words, and we will end beyond them.
It sometimes seems to me that our days are poisoned with too many words. Words said and not meant. Words said ‘and’ meant. Words divorced from feeling. Wounding words. Words that conceal. Words that reduce. Dead words.

If only words were a kind of fluid that collects in the ears, if only they turned into the visible chemical equivalent of their true value, an acid, or something curative – then we might be more careful. Words do collect in us anyway. They collect in the blood, in the soul, and either transform or poison people’s lives. Bitter or thoughtless words poured into the ears of the young have blighted many lives in advance. We all know people whose unhappy lives twist on a set of words uttered to them on a certain unforgotten day at school, in childhood, or at university.

We seem to think that words aren’t things. A bump on the head may pass away, but a cutting remark grows with the mind. But then it is possible that we know all too well the awesome power of words – which is why we use them with such deadly and accurate cruelty.

We are all wounded inside one way or other. We all carry unhappiness within us for some reason or other. Which is why we need a little gentleness and healing from one another. Healing in words, and healing beyond words. Like gestures. Warm gestures. Like friendship, which will always be a mystery. Like a smile, which someone described as the shortest distance between two people.

Yes, the highest things are beyond words.

That is probably why all art aspires to the condition of wordlessness. When literature works on you, it does so in silence, in your dreams, in your wordless moments. Good words enter you and become moods, become the quiet fabric of your being. Like music, like painting, literature too wants to transcend its primary condition and become something higher. Art wants to move into silence, into the emotional and spiritual conditions of the world. Statues become melodies, melodies become yearnings, yearnings become actions.

When things fall into words they usually descend. Words have an earthly gravity. But the best things in us are those that escape the gravity of our deaths. Art wants to pass into life, to lift it; art wants to enchant, to transform, to make life more meaningful or bearable in its own small and mysterious way. The greatest art was probably born from a profound and terrible silence – a silence out of which the greatest enigmas of our life cry: Why are we here? What is the point of it all? How can we know peace and live in joy? Why be born in order to die? Why this difficult one-way journey between the two mysteries?

Out of the wonder and agony of being come these cries and questions and the endless stream of words with which to order human life and quieten the human heart in the midst of our living and our distress.

The ages have been inundated with vast oceans of words. We have been virtually drowned in them. Words pour at us from every angle and corner. They have not brought understanding, or peace, or healing, or a sense of self-mastery, nor has the ocean of words given us the feeling that, at least in terms of tranquility, the human spirit is getting better.

At best our cry for meaning, for serenity, is answered by a greater silence, the silence that makes us seek higher reconciliation.

I think we need more of the wordless in our lives. We need more stillness, more of a sense of wonder, a feeling for the mystery of life. We need more love, more silence, more deep listening, more deep giving.

When the angels of the Bible spoke to human beings, did they speak in words? I don’t think so. I think the angels said nothing, but they were heard in the purest silence of the human spirit, and were understood beyond words.

On a more human scale there are many things beyond.

A mother watches her child leave home. Her heart is still. Her eyes are full of tears and prayer. That is beyond.

An old man with wrinkled hands is carrying his grandchild. With startled eyes the baby regards his grandfather. The old man, with the knowledge of Time’s sadness in his heart, and with love in his eyes, looks down at the child. The meeting of their eyes. That is beyond.

A famous writer, feeling his life coming to an end, writes these words: ‘My soul looks back and wonders – just how I got I got over.’

A young woman, standing on a shore, looks out into an immense azure sea rimmed with the silver line of the horizon. She looks out into the obscure heart of destiny, and is overwhelmed by a feeling both dark and oddly joyful. She may be thinking something like this: ‘My soul looks forward and wonders- just how am I to get across.’ That is beyond.

A flamenco dancer, lurking under a shadow, prepares of the terror of her dance. Somebody has wounded her with words, alluding to the fact that she has no fire, or ‘duende’. She knows she has to dance her way past her limitations, and that this may destroy her forever. She has to fail, or she has to die. I want to dwell for a little while on this dancer because, though a very secular example, she speaks very well for the power of human transcendence. I want you to imagine this frail woman. I want you to see her in deep shadow, and fear. When the music starts, she begins to dance, with ritual slowness. Then she stamps out the dampness from her soul. Then she stamps fire into her loins. She takes on a strange enchanted glow. With a dark tragic rage, shouting, she hurls her hungers, her doubts, her terrors, and her secular prayer for more light into the spaces around her. All fire and fate, she spins her enigma around us, and pulls into the awesome risk of her dance.

She is taking herself apart before our sceptical gaze.

She is disintegrating, shouting and stamping and dissolving the boundaries of her body. Soon, she becomes a wild unknown force, glowing in her death, dancing from her wound, dying in her dance.

And when she stops – strangely gigantic in her new fiery stature – she is like one who has survived the most dangerous journey of all. I can see her now as she stands shining in celebration of her own death. In the silence that follows, no one moves. The fact is that she has destroyed us all.

Why do I dwell on this dancer? I dwell on her because she represents for me the courage to go beyond ourselves. While she danced she became the dream of the freest and most creative people we had always wanted to be, in whatever it is we do. She was the sea we never ran away to, the spirit of wordless self-overcoming we never quite embrace. She destroyed us because we knew in our hearts that rarely do we rise to the higher challenges in our lives, or our work, or our humanity. She destroyed us because rarely do we love our tasks and our lives enough to die and thus be reborn into the divine gift of our hidden genius. We seldom try for that beautiful greatness brooding in the mystery of our blood.
You can say in her own way, and in that moment, that she too was a dancer to God.

That spirit of the leap into the unknown, that joyful giving of the self’s powers, that wisdom of going beyond in order to arrive here – that too is beyond words.

All art is a prayer for spiritual strength. If we could be pure dancers in spirit, we would never be afraid to love, and we would love with strength and wisdom. We would not be afraid of speech, and we would be serene with silence. We would learn to live beyond words, among the highest things. We wouldn’t need words. Our smile, our silences would be sufficient. Our creations and the beauty of our functions would be enough. Our giving would be our perpetual gift.

The greatest inspiration, the most sublime ideas of living that have come down to humanity come from a higher realm, a happier realm, a place of pure dreams, a heaven of blessed notions. Ideas and infinite possibilities dwell there in absolute tranquility.
Before these ideas came to us they were pure, they were silent, and their life-giving possibilities were splendid. But when they come to our earthly realm they acquire weight and words. They become less.
The sweetest notions, ideas of universal love and justice, love for one another, or intuitions of joyful creation, these are all perfect in their heavenly existences. Any artist will tell you that ideas are happier in the heaven of their conception than on the earth of their realization. We should return to pure contemplation, to sweet meditation, to the peace of silent loving, the serenity of deep faith, to the stillness of deep waters. We should sit still in our deep selves and dream good new things for humanity. We should try and make those dreams real. We should keep trying to raise higher the conditions and possibilities of this world. Then maybe one day, after much striving, we might well begin to create a world justice and a new light on this earth that could inspire a ten-second silence of wonder – even in heaven.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you can't have everything

don't you take chances
you might feel the pain
don't you love in vain
'cause love won't set you free

i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy
but safe as could be

so what if it hurts me?
so what if i break down?
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run outta ground

i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
don't care about all the pain in front of me
'cause i'm just trying to be......happy
just wanna be happy, yeah

holding on tightly
just can't let it go
just trying to play my role
slowly disappear....oh

well all these tears
they feel like they're the same
just different faces
different names...
get me outta here

well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by....
pass me by......

so what if it hurts me?
so what if i break down?
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run outta ground

i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
don't care about all the pain in front of me
'cause i'm just trying to be...........happy
to be....happy

so any turns that i can't see
i'll count a stranger in this road
but don't say victim
don't say.....anything

so what if it hurts me?
so what if i break down?
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run outta ground

i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
don't care about all this pain in front of me
i just wanna be........happy
i just wanna be
i just wanna be

(leona lewis)

nature's gifts

experience is never limited,
and it is never complete,
it is an immense sensibility,
a kind of huge spider web
of the finest silken threads
suspended in the chamber of consciousness,
and catching
every air-borne particle
in it's tissue - henry james
we should all try
to experience life
as a small child
full of wonderment
and joy
in the gifts nature gives
to us

Thursday, November 5, 2009


"one must forget oneself. it is like trying to see nature's reflection on the surface of a pond rippled by the wind; until the ripples subside, there is no clear reflection. in zen buddhism, to reach this point of no-self is call mu." - professor kinsaku nakane

Sunday, November 1, 2009


"yugen........tranquility, stillness of movement, the eternity within the transient......mystery and depth. yugen can be the thin cloud veiling the moon or the autumn mist wrapping the scarlet leaves on a mountainside.....or the reflection of a flower's color in a dew drop at dawn......." kathryn lasky