Sunday, January 28, 2018



Saturday, January 27, 2018

:(: Insomnia :):

one of the harder things for me to deal with
as someone who is bipolar
is the sleep cycles
or i should say the non sleep cycles
after three or four days straight of
one to two hours of sleep a night
i start losing my motor control
my ears ring
my vision is impaired
and when the cycle passes
that first sleep is usually so deep
i awake in a fugue state
and have a day feeling like i'm

sleeping is a chore for me
and it makes me dread even

if you could smell this picture
it would smell of

Friday, January 26, 2018


knocked out
more times than i can count
i hear the voices whispering
stay down fool
but i pull myself back up
for one more try
i'm just stupid that way

Thursday, January 25, 2018

The Mercy of Angels

no matter how often i jump
i always receive the mercy of

 i don't know if my guardian angel drinks or not
but i do feel sure it will before my story is finished

Wednesday, January 24, 2018


whatever asks
heart kneels
and offers to

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Say Something

i would have followed

Monday, January 22, 2018

Trying To Hold It Together

i need a sign to let me know you're here
all of these lines are being crossed
 over the atmosphere
i need to know that things
 are gonna look up
'cause i feel us drowning
 in a sea spilled from a cup
when there is no place safe 
and no safe place to put my head
when you feel the world shake
 from the words that are said
i need a sign to let me know you're here
'cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear
i want a reason for the way things have to be
i need a hand to help build up
 some kind of hope inside of me
and i'm calling all angels
i'm calling all you angels

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Would I Lie To You

little white lies

the last person i can trust
or believe is

Saturday, January 20, 2018

God-Haunted Righteousness

"we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the
best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will
turn out to be." ~ c.s. lewis

there is anger
so much anger
not directed at him


Friday, January 19, 2018

The Wolf At My Door

few things in life are worse than
lies that steal someone's faith

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Jus' One of Those Days

sometimes the greatest source of our suffering
are the lies we tell ourselves

tonight finds me screaming at the stars:

fuck it

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

That Last Glance

we don't get too much of it around here
and when we do folks tend to go a little
nuts...rushing out for bread and milk
...ending up in ditches
now that i'm retired i choose a simpler way
of dealing with it...spending the day with one of
my favorite author's new book. he writes of the seedy
side of enforcement officers
it's nice to be able to read about it instead of
 having to deal with it

two of my friends and officers were shot 
yesterday...along with two other officers i didn't
know... ambushed while on a domestic violence
call...always the most dangerous of situations. they
are expected to be ok but one of the others is in
critical condition. every one who makes their living
protecting others knows that last glance at your
home and loved ones before you leave could be
your last

i've been sending up prayers for det. roby
who is fighting for the chance of another
glance. if you are so inclined...he could use
your prayers also 


Tuesday, January 16, 2018

The Weight of Words

the weight of words

some things in life can not be fixed
...they can only be carried

this piece began with a picture of my front
porch taken with the slow cam app on my
iphone. i added the figure and background 
writing with procreate..texture in distressed fx
 then finished by adding letters across her back
 in path on. 

if you could smell this picture.... 
it would smell of 

Monday, January 15, 2018

Wearing Myself Down

the year 2017 kicked my ass
that's not a complaint
it's a fact
this year isn't starting out much better
i think counseling might help...but
no insurance
no money
....not sure they won't send the
men in the little white suits

instead of self medicating
i'm immersing myself in art
i've never been one who could choose
a single path when it comes to art
...or anything else to be honest
so i dabble
little of this
little of that
trying to wear myself down
to who i'm meant to be

my goal is to survive the wearing
away in order to become that person
it's all i can hope for

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Time's Up

ordered mine!!!!!