Jonesing For A Little Carving

the lengths i'll go to

to be able to carve

when i don't have a shop

and can't be out in the pollen

is it gonna make a mess in my studio

you betcha!

do i care

nope!

i can write myself notes in the

dust

Still.....

still......

Heaven Is A Traffic Jam On The 405

what an awesome artist

in spite of her life story

inspiring....

My Tree Spirit

she's up

if you listen closely to a piece of wood

it will tell you the wisdom and secrets

that wind and rain whispered to it over

its lifetime

wood

stone

prayers

blessed

Does The Soul Remember

this magazine....

i have been following them on instagram

magical

i am so drawn to the land of my roots
does the soul remember? 

  i've decided this needs to be

in my life

subscribed

waiting

Mosaic Tile House

WOW!

Back To Center

the beginnings of a tree spirit

for my sculpture garden

her head carved from a cedar stump

the body a limb that broke on my

pecan tree last year

i've had to work on her between rains

as i don't have anywhere to work

out of the weather

just cover her with the tarp 

to cut down on drying time

when wet 

it's been a cold...wet...winter here

i've been holed up inside

reading

studying

it gladdens my heart to be able

to work outdoors again

meditative

healing

working my way back

to  center

Who Does The Remembering?

 beautiful beautiful soul.....

Beneath the Mask

i arrange my face 

to give others the version of myself

least likely to unsettle them

experimenting today with joint 

compound on wood

No Truer Truth

no truer truth....

Burned Into Bone

a tree begins its life

 reaching for the light

and ends up

standing in the light

i find myself reaching less

"being" more

shrouded with memories

burned into bone

Messengers

the dead send messages

on the wings of birds

in the language of loss

 

i sit in silence

listening

 

wounds so heavy

only silence helps

carry them

Empty

is it longing that moves the sea?

 listening

the wind whispers your name

through the hole in my heart

 empty of even haunting 

 

Lightworkers 6 & 7

lightworker 6

lightworker 7

these complete my lightworker series

i chose to finish with the crone

she best represents where i am

on my path

i started this form of painting for therapy

to try and recenter myself

and used digital painting because i 

couldn't afford supplies

as a virgo

it has been a challenge for me 

to use this free flowing

intuitive type of painting

with its wonky lines

and misshapen bodies

but that's really what life

is all about...isn't it

none of us are perfect

but we have all been given

this gift of a body

for our soul to inhabit

Lightworker 5

she is our mother

giver of life

i thank her daily for the blessings

she gives me

 

i offer her kindness

healing energy

and do my best to 

leave only soft footprints

along my path

 

Lightworker 4

we are all one

we are all connected

earth 

air

fire

water

descending into

an ancient 

quiet

Lightworkers

lightworker

healer

soother

peace bringer

i am all these things

these are the beginning of my

lightworker series

we lightworkers have been given

 a gift

and are guided to share

"some days i speak in a thousand tongues

and never use words"

truth...

Still

still.........

:(: Insomnia :):

one of the harder things for me to deal with

as someone who is bipolar

is the sleep cycles

or i should say the non sleep cycles

after three or four days straight of

one to two hours of sleep a night

i start losing my motor control

my ears ring

my vision is impaired

and when the cycle passes

that first sleep is usually so deep

i awake in a fugue state

and have a day feeling like i'm

underwater

sleeping is a chore for me

and it makes me dread even

trying

if you could smell this picture

it would smell of

hopelessness

KO'D

ko'd

knocked out

more times than i can count

i hear the voices whispering

stay down fool

but i pull myself back up

for one more try

i'm just stupid that way

The Mercy of Angels

no matter how often i jump

i always receive the mercy of

angels

 i don't know if my guardian angel drinks or not
but i do feel sure it will before my story is finished
 

Postmortem

whatever asks

heart kneels

and offers to

bear

Say Something

anywhere

i would have followed

you

Trying To Hold It Together

 

i need a sign to let me know you're here

all of these lines are being crossed

 over the atmosphere

i need to know that things

 are gonna look up
'cause i feel us drowning

 in a sea spilled from a cup

when there is no place safe 

and no safe place to put my head

when you feel the world shake

 from the words that are said

i need a sign to let me know you're here
'cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear

i want a reason for the way things have to be

i need a hand to help build up

 some kind of hope inside of me

and i'm calling all angels

 

i'm calling all you angels

Would I Lie To You

little white lies

the last person i can trust

or believe is

me

God-Haunted Righteousness

"we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the
best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will
turn out to be." ~ c.s. lewis


there is anger

so much anger

not directed at him

but...

god 


 

The Wolf At My Door

few things in life are worse than

lies that steal someone's faith

Jus' One of Those Days

sometimes the greatest source of our suffering

are the lies we tell ourselves

tonight finds me screaming at the stars:

fuck it

That Last Glance

snow

we don't get too much of it around here

and when we do folks tend to go a little

nuts...rushing out for bread and milk

...ending up in ditches

 

now that i'm retired i choose a simpler way

of dealing with it...spending the day with one of

my favorite author's new book. he writes of the seedy

side of life...victims...law enforcement officers

it's nice to be able to read about it instead of

 having to deal with it

two of my friends and officers were shot 

yesterday...along with two other officers i didn't

know... ambushed while on a domestic violence

call...always the most dangerous of situations. they

are expected to be ok but one of the others is in

critical condition. every one who makes their living

protecting others knows that last glance at your

home and loved ones before you leave could be

your last

i've been sending up prayers for det. roby

who is fighting for the chance of another

glance. if you are so inclined...he could use

your prayers also 

 

The Weight of Words

the weight of words

some things in life can not be fixed

...they can only be carried

this piece began with a picture of my front

porch taken with the slow cam app on my

iphone. i added the figure and background 

writing with procreate..texture in distressed fx

 then finished by adding letters across her back

 in path on. 

if you could smell this picture.... 

it would smell of 

sadness

Wearing Myself Down

the year 2017 kicked my ass

that's not a complaint

it's a fact

 

this year isn't starting out much better

i think counseling might help...but

no insurance

no money

fear

....not sure they won't send the

men in the little white suits

instead of self medicating

...drugs

...alcohol

i'm immersing myself in art

 

i've never been one who could choose

a single path when it comes to art

...or anything else to be honest

so i dabble

little of this

little of that

trying to wear myself down

to who i'm meant to be

my goal is to survive the wearing

away in order to become that person

it's all i can hope for

Time's Up

ordered mine!!!!!

times up now

I'M A TURKER!

i haven't had much to say on here lately

poor excuse of a blogger

i apologize to those of you who have

been kind enough to read about my

crazy life.

i've recently started doing some marketing

research through amazon's mturk program.

it gives me a little mad money

to me....a lot of the jobs i do feel

like playing games...not something you'd

ever get rich doing but once you build up

your approval rate it's not unrealistic to 

expect to bring in an extra $500 - $600

a month. 

anywhoooooo....

that's my excuse 

just wanted to let you 

know i won't be posting

as often for a while as i

try to build up my approval rate

i'm officially a

turker

Truth #10

truth....

Naked And Flawed

what does it feel like

 to stand

naked

and

flawed...

 

if it feels like

you versus the world

chances are it's really

you versus

yourself

The Spirit of Women

i can't help but think

how much kinder

this world would be

withwomen's

leadership

Keeper of the Feathered Ones

often

it's the ones 

who fly solo

that have the 

strongest wings

The Lost Words

"once upon a time...words began to

vanish from the language of children.

they disappeared so quietly that at first

almost on one noticed... until one day

they were gone.

but there is an old kind of magic for

finding what is missing...and for

summoning what has vanished. if the

right spells are spoken...the lost

words might return...."

beautyFULL book

Bee Fever

i love this.....

Small Town Lonely

"ain't no hell on earth

like small town lonely

where every person

knows where you've been

and what's happened to you

and every one of them

made their decision

once or twice

about whether you was right

or wrong

in what's gone past

and everybody but you

knows how their mind's made up"

Merciful

i become

weak

discouraged

exhausted

angry

frustrated

unhappy

confused

but someone

within me

is resolute

and i try

again

within us lives a

merciful being who helps

us to our feet however many

times we fall

and for this

i bow my head

in gratitude

ROFLMAO

that first time your child comes to

you for parenting advice about their

teenager after vowing never to be

like you when they grow up....

Paulus Berensohn

do you journal

i am forever beginning them

but lack the "stick to it ness"

to journal daily

i would love to have taken

a class at penland with paulus

i am just in awe of this man

his outlook on life is something

i aspire to

i have the dvd of his life

"to spring from the hand"

one of my treasures

in it he is asked what will

be done with all his journals 

after his passing and he said he

wanted them to be hung up in a

tree and allowed to return to the earth

this past june he left this world

in my mind's eye i can see his

many journals decorating the

tree of honor

when paulus's health begin to decline

he chose to be interred in at carolina

memorial sanctuary...an eco friendly

natural burial cemetery

he preordered a cardboard coffin which

he and his friends painted and collaged

this is a photo of his interment

such a special man.....

Brief Lives

"goodbye...brief lives

ablaze with tenderness

today the glory of the leaves

is enough...for i am learning anew

to release all i cannot hold

these moments of luminous grace

saying here and here is beauty

here grief:

this is the way to come home"

A Thing Made of Holes

"there is a time in life when you expect the world to be

always full of new things. and then comes a day when 

you realize that is not how it will be at all. you see that

life will become a thing made of holes...absences...losses

things that were there and no longer. and you realize

too..that you have to grow around and between the gaps."

trying.....

Truth #9

my being whole is

questionable

 not so my

lack

of 

perfection

i can

live

with that

Express Gratitude

continuous practice

day after day

is the 

most

appropriate way of expressing

gratitude

this means that you

practice continuously

without wasting a single day

of your

life

without using it for your

own sake

why is it so

your life is a 

fortunate outcome

of the continuous practice of the

past

you should 

express

your gratitude

immediately