Done

We Are One

done

Food For My Soul

working out side

covered in sweat and sawdust

food for my soul

saved the part of my tree sculpture

that intimidates me the most for last

not my usual modus operandi

normally when intimidated i

attack that sh*t and get it over with

but...i haven't exactly been my

normal self lately....

my first attempt at roughing out a

head with a chainsaw

finished up with an angle grinder

all in all i'm pleased

got it looking the way i pictured

stained

tomorrow it will get a coat

of linseed oil and will be

attached to the tree

then given a day for the glue to set

think it will be done

but

we'll see...

On Progress and Memories

do trees have memory?

my belief is anything living does

i killed this tree for a selfish reason

to atone for this i promised to honor

her spirit as an art form

while debarking i talked to her

ran my hands over each section

whispered apologies

then for several days i sat

with her...just sat

observing

listening

finally she spoke

"we are one"

 hurting her

i had hurt 

myself

i am no great sculptor

but promised to honor her spirit

...my spirit

her memories...mine

forged

she will likely never forget

her senseless demise

i will never forget the

anguish in my life

when i took hers

memories...

we

are

one

Truth #5

"there are some things about myself i can't explain to anyone.
there are some things i don't understand at all. i can't tell what
i think about things or what i'm after. i don't know what my
strengths are or what i'm supposed to do about them. but if
i start thinking about these things in too much detail the
whole thing gets scary. and if i get scared i can only think
about myself. i become really self-centered...and without
meaning to...i hurt people. so i'm not such a wonderful
human being."

Thankful For Guardian Angels

spent today working on red tail hawk 

for my tree sculpture

with my newest toy

sweat

sawdust

right brain

the only relief

frightening bipolar 

episode

power tools

three sleepless nights

not the best option

but

necessary

thankful

for

guardian

angels

Messages of Love

i love the heart shaped orb

captured in this shot

my keeper was placed facing east

so i would get this shadow each evening

east... the element of fire

fire...
my
spirit

It's About Your Heart....

the keeper of my heart

this piece stands 8 ft tall

there was so much more i wanted to do

carve a face

intricate designs

but it kept saying

no

that love isn't about beauty

or having fine things

it's about your heart

and how looking at the one you love

causes you to forget human language

Sweat And Sawdust

spending my days in the comfort

of angels

a meteorite travels alone

so does a falling star

so

do

i

The Keeper of My Heart

"most people have only made

a dent in my memory

a little nick

but you..

you moved in

made yourself at home

and spread your arms to

make room for your

wingspan"

at the end of the day

to be spent

and covered in sawdust

soothes my soul

this...

will be 

the keeper of

my

heart

Un-put-back-togetherable

shards

 broken

un-put-back-togetherable

which is...
 ok
i
don't
want
to
be
that
person
again

Heartsore

"when you sit in silence long enough

you learn that silence has a motion.

it glides over you without shape or form

exactly like water. its color is silver.

and silence has a sound you hear only

after hours of wading inside it. the sound

is soft...like flute notes rising up...

like the words of glass speaking."

"i have this strange sense that my silence is

preparing me for something i can't name..."

some days

 so heartsore

silence 

my only 

companion

The Path of Knowing

                                                                                            giselle hicks ceramics

seven gifts:

...the courage to sit and wait

...the curiosity to open closed doors and explore

what is behind them

...the ability to listen to yourself

...an appreciation for the experience of all life

...a respect for the power of your imagination

...the compassion to try to embrace all things with

unconditional acceptance

...an awe for the path of knowing

these are from one of my latest reads:

this:

began debarking today
chisel
hammer
muscle
we talk
promised i would
 listen
 to her wishes
then
 do my best
with an awe for the
path of
knowing

My MM

he was talking to me

asking why i was looking at him

like he was crazy

how do i explain

the sight of him

 fills me with

such love

i 

sometimes 

forget

human

language

Shared Prayers... Honoring Risks

"Thank you for this perfect day for taking chances. 

Bless the heart which steps into the light tunnel of alternative

 channels of thinking.

Help me to understand that keeping quiet keeps me small. Guide

me to compose my ideas and thoughts without worry about who 

will respond and how. Help me open to the rejection or neutrality

that may come from expressing my initial ideas and feelings. Show

me the real hazards..but keep me from making up artificial ones that

prevent forward movement. Help me gather the thoughts that come

from my heart.

Support me as I face the unknown. Strengthen my relationship to

uncertainty by making a pyramid of my foundation. Remind me that 

I am like those who have gone before me..stepping out of the comfort

zone in order to engage possibility. Redirect my fears..and place my

feet on the path in front of me. Give me a nudge when I need it. Help 

me to be a bold example to others who look to me to lead with faith.

Spread my arms wide..open my heart wider..and let me find out for

myself. Grow my options for speaking from love. Help the healing

medicine rise to meet my voice.

Remind me that there are no healing reasons to protect those who

have done harm. Help me to say the things no one can say for me. 

Let me remember that my admissions of what is true are as

important to my own ears as they are to anyone who listens.

I am ready to pioneer a new way for myself. Pave my road with

clarity and trust. Mark the trail with feathers and tracks for

exploring all avenues of curiosity.

May my continuous efforts fortify my habit of speaking up for

myself. May my vow to try as many times as necessary reveal

the promise of my freedom. May my mistakes be my teachers.

Help me to reframe those things I wish to have said more clearly

and truthfully. Let me grant myself second and third opportunities.

Encourage me to stick my neck out:  not onto the chopping block..

but to stretch myself to beautiful lengths in order to greet what's ahead."

those are not my words
they come from a prayer book
i am using to guide me back to
the one that i am
i have strayed so far from my path
floundering
lost
unwilling to acknowledge
the truth of things
praying for guidance
understanding
and
grace

I See You

clootie

cloutie

cloughtie

the beginnings of my

prayer tree

 a well among

the trees to the right

my hand print at her feet

i honor mother earth

then the standing one

before adding a prayer cloth

 lay a hand in gratitude

when i pass 

 this 

to honor the well

water

stone

standing ones

prayers

powerful

 brush cleared from around

the well and stones

a spirit peers from the

center of the

flame

i see you

thank you 

blessed

The Thread of All Sorrows

Kindness

naomi shihab nye

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things..

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth.

What you held in your hand..

what you counted and carefully saved..

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside..

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore..

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day

to mail letters and purchase bread..

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say:

It is I you have been looking for..

and then goes with you everywhere

like a shadow or a friend.

today finds me feeling loss

deep in my bones as i watch

the thread of all sorrows

unravel...

The Night Has Eyes To Recognize Its Own

when your eyes are tired

the world is tired also

when your vision has gone

no part of the world can find you

time to go into the dark

where the night has eyes

to recognize its own

there you can be sure

you are not beyond love

the dark will be your womb

tonight

the night will give you a horizon

further than you can see

you must learn one thing:

the world was made to be free in

give up all the other worlds

except the one to which you belong

sometimes it takes darkness

and the sweet confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

is too small for you

                                                                                        ~ david whyte

yes...

Truth #4

Truth...

Stay Away

"the japanese have a beautifully quiet and sculptural

way of saying "stay away" or "no access" by tying a 

rock with black twine and using strategic placement."

i love this...

Beyond Thought

new place to

meditate

star gaze

be

beyond

thought 

 

 

Truth #3

always...

Someone's Praying Lord

today was spent burning brush from yesterday's work

there is something soothing about sitting by fire

all afternoon my feathered ones flitted from tree to tree

diving low over my head...across the fire

and they sang

not the warning song of hawks visit

but

chittering

chattering

happy sounds

i know what they were singing...

 

kumbaya my lord...kumbaya

kumbaya my lord...kumbaya

 

 at the end of the day

with a good cup of coffee

i sang too

What the Heart Knows

after my morning prayer/meditation i sat with a realization.

prayers for friends included three with heart attacks...two

with hip surgeries...all a little older than my 63

revolutions around the sun. each of these friends require daily

medications for their quality of life. 

i don't...i do heavy work outside daily and welcome

the spent muscles come night fall.

i also realized that i identify with being bipolar.

it's through no fault of my own that i have this mental disorder...

but it is NOT who i am. i spent this day "observing" the entity

that chatters in my mind and saw that "I" am something separate.

when all the "monkey mind" cranked up i focused on being

present...my breathing...the birds singing...the sensation of my
fingers rubbing together...how the sun felt like a warm hug...this

was "me"...not all the angst and "not good enough" feelings being

whispered in my head. my mind seems to be addicted to pain...
playing movies of what has happened...may or
may not ever happen again.

but my heart knows

it knows...

me

so...tonight i sit...

a little long in the tooth

but truly blessed

looking forward to

getting reacquainted with

me

Spiritual Comfort

 did both today

a comfort

when i am caught between

my broken mind

and fragile

heart

Fly

this

 how it feels

 bipolar
up...down

neither easy

tonight...

i just want to

fly

Truth #2

What The Night Does To Me

"i fear mostly my inability to capture all the things that come

i fear their mysterious source...i fear their fate

i fear me

this is true

it's like finding a river of gold when you haven't even

got a cup to save a cup full

you've but a thimble

and that thimble is your pathetic brain

and labor

and humanness

i like too many things and get all confused

and hung up running from one falling star

to another 

till i drop

this is the night

what it does to me

i have nothing to offer anybody

except my own

confusion"

Wearing Only My Questions

"i knock on the doors of the universe

asking:

what makes the swirl of love songs?

and the parallel singing of loss?

and the choice to live life alone?

i have nothing

except a fierce hunger

to fathom this world

naked

i knock on the door

wearing only my questions"

The Face of God

                             last night                              

full Snow Moon

eclipse

comet

beckoning

 my 

soul

"the soul can split the sky in two

and let the face of God shine through"

and so it

was

The Eating of Pain

i watched a small winged one

eat fire ants today

kindred
feathered
soul
we
whose

insatiable hungers
precipitate
 embracing

 the eating
of

pain

Wanderings

                                                                                       photo by chris burkard

sleeplessness

my spirit an essence of color

the eye can not see

i do not recognize my mind

these nights of planetary wanderings

greeting the dawn

a hardship

once you have walked

among the

stars

Written On the Heart

                                                              artwork by deborah sheedy

 

the shape that wears me

peering through the mirror

fears not dark

nor death

but the loneliness

written on it's heart

in a tongue

it cannot 

speak

Zero

if you look at zero 

you see nothing

but look through it

and you will behold the

world

behold

not see

there is a

difference

Truth

truth....

Celestial Tears

                                                                           original artwork by gabriel guerrero

                                                                      

at my lossness

angels

always found

girding

my seeking soul

celestial tears

purge 

haze covered eyes

til the light 

returns

Even The Trees Cried

there is a story
of great sadness

lives deep
in my bones

that can't be read
 in the sun

under a blanket
 of grey

a crow sang it
 out loud
even the trees
cried

Sing Me Home

memories

worn like a

favorite blue coat

torn

tattered

from too much

love
all the warmth
needed
to sing me
home

  

My Saving Grace

                                                image via the wild unknown instagram

meditation
on and off for years
over this past year...

daily

twenty minutes upon rising

forty in the noon hour

at monkey mind's knock
requiring a thirty seven hundred

 word essay 

who 

what

why

 breathe in the chatter

acknowledge it's presence

release

 let it go

it has been my saving

grace...