Still

still.........

:(: Insomnia :):

one of the harder things for me to deal with

as someone who is bipolar

is the sleep cycles

or i should say the non sleep cycles

after three or four days straight of

one to two hours of sleep a night

i start losing my motor control

my ears ring

my vision is impaired

and when the cycle passes

that first sleep is usually so deep

i awake in a fugue state

and have a day feeling like i'm

underwater

sleeping is a chore for me

and it makes me dread even

trying

if you could smell this picture

it would smell of

hopelessness

KO'D

ko'd

knocked out

more times than i can count

i hear the voices whispering

stay down fool

but i pull myself back up

for one more try

i'm just stupid that way

The Mercy of Angels

no matter how often i jump

i always receive the mercy of

angels

 i don't know if my guardian angel drinks or not
but i do feel sure it will before my story is finished
 

Postmortem

whatever asks

heart kneels

and offers to

bear

Say Something

anywhere

i would have followed

you

Trying To Hold It Together

 

i need a sign to let me know you're here

all of these lines are being crossed

 over the atmosphere

i need to know that things

 are gonna look up
'cause i feel us drowning

 in a sea spilled from a cup

when there is no place safe 

and no safe place to put my head

when you feel the world shake

 from the words that are said

i need a sign to let me know you're here
'cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear

i want a reason for the way things have to be

i need a hand to help build up

 some kind of hope inside of me

and i'm calling all angels

 

i'm calling all you angels

Would I Lie To You

little white lies

the last person i can trust

or believe is

me

God-Haunted Righteousness

"we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the
best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will
turn out to be." ~ c.s. lewis


there is anger

so much anger

not directed at him

but...

god 


 

The Wolf At My Door

few things in life are worse than

lies that steal someone's faith

Jus' One of Those Days

sometimes the greatest source of our suffering

are the lies we tell ourselves

tonight finds me screaming at the stars:

fuck it

That Last Glance

snow

we don't get too much of it around here

and when we do folks tend to go a little

nuts...rushing out for bread and milk

...ending up in ditches

 

now that i'm retired i choose a simpler way

of dealing with it...spending the day with one of

my favorite author's new book. he writes of the seedy

side of life...victims...law enforcement officers

it's nice to be able to read about it instead of

 having to deal with it

two of my friends and officers were shot 

yesterday...along with two other officers i didn't

know... ambushed while on a domestic violence

call...always the most dangerous of situations. they

are expected to be ok but one of the others is in

critical condition. every one who makes their living

protecting others knows that last glance at your

home and loved ones before you leave could be

your last

i've been sending up prayers for det. roby

who is fighting for the chance of another

glance. if you are so inclined...he could use

your prayers also 

 

The Weight of Words

the weight of words

some things in life can not be fixed

...they can only be carried

this piece began with a picture of my front

porch taken with the slow cam app on my

iphone. i added the figure and background 

writing with procreate..texture in distressed fx

 then finished by adding letters across her back

 in path on. 

if you could smell this picture.... 

it would smell of 

sadness

Wearing Myself Down

the year 2017 kicked my ass

that's not a complaint

it's a fact

 

this year isn't starting out much better

i think counseling might help...but

no insurance

no money

fear

....not sure they won't send the

men in the little white suits

instead of self medicating

...drugs

...alcohol

i'm immersing myself in art

 

i've never been one who could choose

a single path when it comes to art

...or anything else to be honest

so i dabble

little of this

little of that

trying to wear myself down

to who i'm meant to be

my goal is to survive the wearing

away in order to become that person

it's all i can hope for

Time's Up

ordered mine!!!!!

times up now