farewell 2009

farewell 2009......i've packed my bag....i'm not looking back.........

it's time to turn to a crisp new page.....set ink to the paper that begins the next chapter in my life. i'm not looking to write a great novel.....just a 'feel good'....happy....read..... worth curling up in a chair with a good cup of joe.....

i'm not one to make resolutions.....we all know good intentions pave the road to hell........but i do hope to be a little kinder.....gentler....to myself in this coming year.... this old warrior....marked with the battle scars of fifty seven years...needs to lay down her sword and shield.....and turn over the rock of life she's fought for so valiantly......to reveal the carved word underneath......."PEACE".......

a winter's sunrise

"there was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise....or hope."

~bern williams

this amazing sunrise enveloped me on my way to work this morning......

it took my breath away................

inspiration

.....believe

"keep believing that you have the passion...intelligence...brilliance...creativity...

depth...and savvy to find that quiet center of solace...serenity...and strength

necessary to create and sustain an authentic life. every day is the prayer.

an authentic life is the most personal form of worship. when you start

believing....you'll discover that all things are really possible."

~ sarah ban breathnach

christmas 2009

wow...............ouch! ouch! ouch!.........justjody is glad this day is behind her! i can honestly say i've never had a christmas like this one....... no tree........no decorations.....no family.......i wuz the grinch from hell this year! i'm sitting here soothing my soul with some good wine and tunes..... thinking i really need to snap outta this funk! i'm sure it doesn't make for good reading and it..... for sure..... isn't doing me a bit of good! i apologize for being such a downer lately. when i started this blog i told myself i wouldn't post anything negative and here i've been letting my bleeding old heart ooze all over cyberspace. sorry....sorry.....sorry.... god promises a safe landing....not a calm passage.... i don't need to waste what is on what was.....or what might have been.....

i did a little porch sitting tonight............i couldn't see any stars because this christmas night wears a blanket of fog....but i knew they were up there....i felt their glow....carassing me..... like the warm rays of the sun.....drying the tears from my face....gladdening my heart. as i listened to the quiet of the fog....i felt a peace i haven't had in a while now......and the healing began............

the sand dancer

wisdom

look at this absolutely AMAZING picture of andrew wyeth.... taken by photographer and filmmaker andrew zuckerman for his new book WISDOM............WOW!" Inspired by the idea that wisdom is the greatest gift one generation can give to another, award-winning photographer and filmmaker Andrew Zuckerman interviewed, photographed and filmed 50 of the world’s great writers, actors, artists, designers, politicians, musicians and religious and business leaders of our time. He posed seven questions to each of his subjects—all over 65 years of age—and their candid responses offer uniquely inspirational and often surprising insights. " ~ amazon.com

i LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! this book. the photographs are brilliant...... and make me want to reach into the pages and trace each face with my fingers.....committing them forever in my mind. i devoured this book.............

the fixer.......

i am a fixer…..from as far back as i can remember….i am the one people come to with their problems….their pain....i am the strong one…..the one who gets things done….i am the fixer. i’ve taken care of my parents…..my siblings……my children….friends……and with my job….victims of all race…creed….and situation…..but…..who fixes the fixer? people assume that my strong exterior goes all the way to the core of my being….wish they could be like me….but.....they see only the face i offer up to the world….when in reality…..it’s a daily battle to keep the fragile pieces that make up who i am from imploding ….with sound of a thousand fine crystal glasses.... breaking….. falling….. tinkling….. and glittery….. into a pile..... on the floor….leaving only an image.... like that burned into the memory of your eye from a searing light...... i’ve become a master at hiding the real me…….the most noble actor on this stage called life.....covering up the sound of the chains i carry…..and the quiet click of the door closing in my heart..... so……who fixes the fixer? i can soothe her each night with wine…and music…..i can make her rise each morning and force her to put on her mask and cape…… and send her out into the world to fight the evils of another day…..but I can’t fix her…..i can’t fix her……who fixes the fixer?

wanderer

wanderer......

your footsteps are the road....

and nothing more.

wanderer......

there is no road.

the road is made by walking.

and upon glancing behind.....

one sees the path......

-Antonio Machado

thank you for your sacrifice..........

"Rest easy... sleep well my brothers

Know the line has held..... your job is done

Rest easy..... sleep well

Others have taken up where you fell......the line has held

Peace, peace, and farewell..." ~ unk

a chester morning......

i went into town this morning before work to take a couple of shots of our christmas lights. our city hall stands proudly atop the hill in all her finery. she's a wonderfull old building....full of squeaky wooden floors.......and history. i like that our flag spends it's nights as silent guard to the entrance.... instead of being folded away at day's end.... our proud flag....our proud city.....our proud county....state......country.......

our city is graced with some of the most beautiful old homes.....what a great place for 'porch sitting'.....

this is our christmas shop......full of trees.....ornaments.....and christmas cheer........

i love the icy blue colors of this wreath at anna's arbor.......

christmas is best viewed thru a child's eyes.......with a child's wonder......walking the streets this morning.....all alone....in the foggy mist.....i felt the hand of my younger self slip into mine...and watched a wide.... crooked toothed grin spread across her freckled face..... as she looked around in delight..... at the small wonderland we call home......and as i watched her quick smile.....i felt the scowl that has long graced my old.... worn.... face.... melt into a matching ....crookedy toothed grin....and for a few minutes.....basked in a childish joy... at the multitude of twinkling stars...before the sun peeked over the hill....in chester...south carolina...........

asylum

check out this book by christopher payne "asylum is a haunting, beautiful book of lost dreams and lost minds. it is a reminder that society's ideals deteriorate more rapidly than the structures built to facilitate them. asylums for the insane, which started with high intentions, usually ended in horror and neglect." ~ kay redfield jamison

you can purchase this book here.

rainy days and revenants........

what is it about rainy days that call revenants to visit my doorstep…..whispering things i don’t want to hear….would bleed to forget? why can’t these pages torn from some long ago calendar stay in the past….instead of besieging my mind and soul ….causing me to listen with the ear of my heart….the sting of tears in my eyes…..chest tight with pain….grasping for some semblance of control over these tumultuous feelings. i grow so weary of burying the past…..over ……and over….and over. that story is no longer there girl…it’s characters have all moved on to the next chapter…..except for you…..the lone actor still trying for an encore performance after all these years….i fold these memories carefully and tuck them neatly inside my heart….like a flower from some happy time…. pressed in my favorite book……knowing that inevitably i’ll turn to that page at some future date and the memories will come spilling out like angry hornets…..turning me into a living revenant….a ghost of the person i was….like energy released from a fervent fire….soaring among the sparks and ash….making my way heavenward…. to become inscribed among the stars….. as a lesson to others…….this is what happens when you give your whole heart and forget to save an ember for a future fire………..

only kindness matters.........

" if i could tell the world just one thing

it would be that we're all ok

and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

and useless in times like these

i won't be made useless

i won't be idle with despair

i will gather myself around my faith

for light does the darkness most fear.....

.....in the end......only kindness matters......."

~jewel

let your light shine........

look within your very centered space and see the part of you that is pure spirit.....pure light.... pure energy. visualize all your limitations falling away.... one by one... until you are safe... healed ...and whole. know that no matter what is going on in your life...no matter how difficult things may be... at the very center of your being you are safe.... and you are whole. you always will be. lifetime after lifetime... you are a shining spirit....a beautiful light. sometimes you come to this planet and cover your light and hide it.... but the light is always there. as you let those limitations go...and as you recognize the true beauty of your being.... you shine brilliantly. you are love...you are energy.....you are spirit. you are the spirit of love shining brightly. let your light shine. ~ louise hay

having one of those days...........

it's the nature of an enigma to remain unsolved...........and inscrutability means just what it says...........who can say why someone holds a mortgage on your soul....leaving you to wear them for the rest of your life......like a scar.......

find your creativity

to find your creativity you have to leave the city of your comfort

and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

you can't get there by bus...only by hard work, risk,

and by not knowing what you are doing

or where you are going.

what you discover will be wonderful.

what you discover will be yourself ~ alan aida

my symphony

to live content with small means

to seek elegance rather than luxury

and refinement rather than fashion

to be worthy.... not respectable

and wealthy.... not rich

to study hard.... think quietly

talk gently..... act frankly

to listen to stars and birds... to babes and sages...

with open heart

to bear all cheerfully.... do all bravely

await occasions.....hurry never

in a word.... to let the spiritual.... unbidden ......and unconscious

grow up through the common........ this is to be my symphony

~William Henry Channing

.......for bette

sending you hugs and kisses on the wind.........



i miss you mom........