The man who was my father made his life transition yesterday.
I spent the day in curious contemplation……mulling over the few scenes we had
played out in this lifetime. He left when I was three and only made brief
forays back into my orbit over the years….no “daddy’s little princess”….no “picking
me up when life’s lessons knocked me on my ass”….no “beaming with joy over my
fine children and grandchildren”……
At my final visit he lay in his deathbed…a frail shell of a man...oblivious to my
presence with a drug induced sleep…and I searched my soul for forgiveness …that
fragrance that violets give to the heel that crushed them….
and it would not come……….
it saddens me to know my inheritance will be
the sickness of long thinking.......
7 comments:
We carry so much long thinking with us throughout our lives, don't we......
I wonder if any of us had a "normal" childhood....
Do something nice for yourself this week!!
oh Jody... those spidery webs connecting us to our ancestors.. no matter how distant they are, that sticky link still exists.. sympathizing, and wishing you well. xo
I didn't have what I would consider a bad childhood...Tracey...though it certainly wasn't the Cleavers. I grew up roaming the woods...fields...and creeks and I think that more than anything influenced who I have become. You're right....I do need to do something nice for myself.....Thanks!
Laura...I am a fierce protector of "family".....even my father. I am just not far enough along my path to grant forgiveness for him not feeling the same. It's not something I'm proud of but it is what it is.
Thanks for visiting!
Thinking of you Jody xo
Thank you Jubby......
I keep going back and reading your post, because it is a familiar story to us. I wish you peace as well.
Peggy....my youngest daughters Dad died before she was born and she always talks about how it hurts not to have been able to know him. I told her I felt it was worse knowing the opportunity was there but your father didn't care enough to want to know you. I'm sure there are many "throw away" children with the same hurt. Namaste.......
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