quietly listening to my heart.......

"listen to your heart....it knows all things....because it came from the Soul of the World...and it will one day return there. wherever your heart is....that is where you'll find your treasure."



"my heart is afraid that it will have to suffer........."



"fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself...no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.....because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."



"there is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."



"when you want something....all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

~ paulo coelho......the alchemist

this book..........another sign from the universe that i'm on the right path in my journey...the words are coursing through my blood..... with each beat of my knowing heart.....sending this seeker forward....staring down the eyes of fear.....for....."fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand........"

namaste - i honor your spirit which is also in me

breaking of the bread

a proverbial "breaking of the bread" this cold sunday morning.............my own special church...

it's not the barley or the wheat

it's not the oven or the heat

that makes this bread so good to eat

it's the needing and the sharing

that makes the meal complete

~ unk

a franciscan benediction

a franciscan benediction

may god bless you with DISCOMFORT at

easy answers, half-truths, and superficial

relationships so that you may live deep

within your heart.

may god bless you with ANGER at injustice,

oppression, and exploitation of people so that

you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

may god bless you with TEARS to shed for

those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation,

and war, so that you may reach out your hand

to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

and may god bless you with enough FOOLISHNESS

to believe that you can make a difference in this world

so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

on this bitter cold winters night..... i am blessed with discomfort....anger....tears....and foolishness....and know in my heart that it's all a part of a greater plan for my life..... a metamorphosis...as i climb the precipitous roads on my journey to peace....the summit is ever in the distance....but it's there.....and i continue my pilgrimage........

the need for silence

"see how nature.....trees...flowers...grass....grows in silence.....see the stars....the moon...and the sun....how they move in silence....we need silence to be able to touch souls." ~ mother teresa

chosen

the universe is whispering
in my ear
it’s words
coursing through my blood
i lay down my sword
bow my head
arms lifted
supplication
love


i drink the message
intoxicated
humbled
fall
to my knees
gratitude
blessed
beyond words
indeed


i have been chosen
to serve
you
the universe
has gleamed
the way
mold me
shape me
breathe greatness
into my life
i am your clay

life's journey

"all of life is a journey....which paths we take....what we look back on....and what we look forward to....is up to us. we determine our destination....what kind of road we will take to get there...and how happy we are when we get there." ~ bob moawad

i love this view.........every time i travel this road..... it calls my name...........

listening to shadows

listening to shadows

sometimes
on quiet nights
you walk
across my heart
your whispering tread
playing
a staccato
of memories
within my head

when the footsteps fade
and we’re…. again
apart
i sip wine
listen to shadows
and the rending of my heart…

the journey

the journey

one day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice ....

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"mend my life!"

each voice cried.

but you didn't stop.

you knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

it was already late enough,

and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

but little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do ...

determined to save

the only life you could save.

~ mary oliver ~

a grey winters day........

grey days always find me quieter than usual....i tend to fold in on myself....not so much gloomy...or depressed....but...reflective....contemplative.....philosophical...

perhaps these are the times that my inner psyche is recharging .....a small holiday from the many daily wars i wage with myself...

i pulled over at this boat landing between calls today and drank in the grey dullness of the water.... while the rain poured in the window of my car.....even on this bone chilling...rainy day.... being near water nourished my soul.....as the crows sang to me a cacophony song of peace....

my ambition.........

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands...." 1 Thessalonians 4:11

muscari

since the weather has warmed enough to get outside today i took a stroll around the yard to see if i could tell what i've lost to the unusual cold we've had here. there are quite a few of my "chillrens" that aren't looking like they'll be here come spring.....sadly.....my newest cryptomeria is one of them.....i pray she'll prove me wrong.......

but.........look what i stumbled across back near the woods.....the muscari have decided to make an appearance....

only a gardener would get drunk on the elixir of this sight......welcome back little ones.....i pause in celebration of your return....and anxiously await your coronation of purple crown......

singing to my soul.........

i sit…quietly reading….on this pale winter’s morning….when i am drawn back into the present by the vociferous singing of a male cardinal......perched on a skeletal limb of my hydrangea bush. how can i even explain how this birds "singing" gladdens my soul…so reminiscent of warm summer mornings…his brilliant red a spot of glorious color in my sleeping garden…what an amazingly beautiful gift i have been given this day... to visualize summer as i hibernate in the overpowering grey of winter.........

absolute attention........

"absolute attention is prayer.........if one looks long enough at almost anything.....looks with absolute attention at a flower....a stone...the bark of a tree.....grass.....snow.......a cloud.....something like revelation takes place. something is "given".....and perhaps that something is always a reality outside the self. we are aware of GOD only when we cease to be aware of ourselves....not in the negative sense of denying the self....but in the sense of losing self in admiration and joy." ~ may sarton

in the sad and tender light of this winter's day.....i am humbled by the riches GOD has given me.....and lose myself in the admiration and joy of this day.........

eric joisel

there is origami......and then there is ERIC JOISEL origami............awesome!

feeding my soul........

i don’t know what it is about this time of the year that causes our skies to become transformed into great works of art…….i had to pull off the side of the road on my journey home this evening…. to bask in the colors of this day’s end….it smites me with it’s beauty…and nourishes my soul……….

january 9, 2010

i am lost in my shopping
picking up items to nourish my body
the good parmesan cheese
some wine
my favorite tortilla soup
a pot of flowers to soothe my soul
i turn the corner and you’re standing before me
my heart starts like some frightened winged thing
how are you i ask…as i pass on by
you answer to my back… in that voice you use to distance yourself
then i feel the warmth of your hand on my shoulder
but i just walk away
my mind explodes with white hot lights
and my heart draws in upon itself
i find myself in the check out line……hurry….hurry
please….. just let me get out of here
on the drive home i feel the electricity of your touch on my shoulder
and when i reach the safety of my house
i remove my sweater and hold the spot that you touched to my face
and swallow down the grief rising in my chest

saturday morning supplications........

saturday morning has decided not to offer up it's usual morning sunrise..... floating over the tops of my cyprus trees.... there's no semblance of warmth on another bitterly cold day.... instead i look out over a misty grey frost covered morning as i plan my day. my old tom cat sits on the doorstep.... hunched against the cold..... in silent commensuration....as i listen to a small sparrow's fussing chatter because i've let the birdfeeder run out of seed again. i feel we all ....the three of us..... are quietly sending up supplications for spring....and warm weather.

as i sat..... earlier.... having my breakfast of toast and local honey..... i was reminded of a poem by julian huxley:

"like sudden blossom on the naked trees

memories shoot; the place is all alive

with questing thoughts that like spring-quickended bees

find and bear back rememberance to my hive."

on this cold winter morning.......i'm remembering warm sunny mornings full of bird song and the smell of flowers.....and feeling the ache of the cold in these old bones..........

the pancake project

art created out of pancakes......who'd of thunk it?

check out more pancake art here.

brrrrrrrrr....

enough already.......this is the south!

this is the ice on the hood of my car......AFTER driving into work....

should have just put on my brass bra and broomed in.......

"i'm cold...as cold....as cold can be........"

peace.....

peace: hush.....repose....serenity.....tranquillity.....silence......stillness......calmness......

quiescence....calm.....quietude.....rest.......
i've noticed a trend for picking a "word of the year" on many of the blogs that

i follow. i haven't picked a word....it seems to have picked me. for the last month

i've been drawn to peace symbols....i wear them on my wrists....i have peace

symbol earrings....one hangs from the rear view mirror of my car.....peace....

the last part of 2009 kicked my axis off kilter and left me struggling... trying to find

balance after a tumultuous upheaval to my soul.......and all i wanted was to find

peace within myself.........

i adorned myself with peace symbols long before most of you were even born.....i was....indeed...

a child of the 70's....but the peace i seek now is a truer peace...deep....spiritual....comforting....

so as i explore the paths i feel may lead me to this peace....i will bear the weight of many

peace symbols.....i want to feel their touch on my skin.... to remind me of the treasure i seek.

always the gypsy......i begin another sojourn....this crisp new year.....towards peace.....my

word of the year..........PEACE........