Mo Digital Work

This Much

Magic Hands

i hate days when 

i can't make myself 

go outside  :(:

hence: mo digital work

Hello Depression....It's Me

:(:

Hello Bipolar....It's Me

 truth be known...

most days

One Day At A Time

completed spread

 

i take

one day at a time

it's the best i

can do....

Delusions of Grandeur

i don't have delusions of grandeur

but...i do think

 being bipolar 

contributes to my self esteem

or lack of....

and how i feel about my art

...as if i have a

choice

Sisters

sisters

i never had one

feel sure i wouldn't have

been a good one

most days i don't feel like

a good anything

Geesh......

so... was one journal enough

nooooo... my bipolar a$$ had to have three!

these two are a full size and a mini

covered in a heavy cardstock paper

that will be used just for fun

the third one is also a mini

but will be a more serious 

journal...  i'm covering it in canvas

so i can paint the cover

i spent some time in my studio 

pulling out and organizing my

paints/stamps & markers

think i'm ready to roll

Born To Howl

yesterday

full moon

i'm always affected by the full moon

because i'm bipolar

maybe

i was born under a full moon

born to howl

want to see if you were born under a full moon?

go here and change the 2018 in the top most search

line to the year of your birth.

Beneath the Mask

i arrange my face 

to give others the version of myself

least likely to unsettle them

experimenting today with joint 

compound on wood

:(: Insomnia :):

one of the harder things for me to deal with

as someone who is bipolar

is the sleep cycles

or i should say the non sleep cycles

after three or four days straight of

one to two hours of sleep a night

i start losing my motor control

my ears ring

my vision is impaired

and when the cycle passes

that first sleep is usually so deep

i awake in a fugue state

and have a day feeling like i'm

underwater

sleeping is a chore for me

and it makes me dread even

trying

if you could smell this picture

it would smell of

hopelessness

Written Across the Sky

if only

i could be other than 

what i am

i can't

 one loss

too far

i'm now something

i can't name...or

understand

there is a certain 

poetry to that

written across the sky

tucked in among the

stars

Not Yet

image by unworn

the past

remember

forget

i sit

 listening

breath held

the voice i know

never heard

calling me

home

not yet

not

yet

My Week So Far......

i live on four acres in the country.

the good thing (???) is:   there is

always something to do to keep myself

busy...which is how i manage my mood

swings.

i started this week on sunday...mother's day... by

cutting grass and then tearing down the fencing

and poles around this chicken coop.  the grass

was overgrown inside and there were large rocks

all around the perimeter...soooo

i made another rock stack in front of the derelict

house on my property.

monday i cleaned up all the wood and wire from
sunday...removed all the nails and staples from
the wood and carried it to the recycle pile at the
back of my property.

tuesay i finished the chainsaw carving of my barn
owl and rested up before going to my weekly group
meeting with some fellow artists.

wednesday i made a "deep south" storage shed for
my mower by tearing off half of the covered porch
on the side of the derelict house

not pretty...i know...but i'd rather spend the money

it would take to build a shed on the tools i need

for my chainsaw art!

and today i pulled the nails from all the porch decking
and wood..stacked the recyclable pieces...burned the
junk..pulled up some metal fence posts that were
protecting a fig bush that didn't make it..put out
some snake deterrent around the house and sheds...
put some ant deterrent out around my screened
porch (i don't know WHAT they are after!)...

i cut back this butterfly bush (this made me SAD)

this bush is over ten yrs old and at one point was

higher than my house but the weight of it caused

the bush to fall over and no amount of staking would

keep it off the ground so i cut it back.. then trimmed

the high grass and vinca from under the bird feeder...

which i refilled.

i wanted to build a support table for my chainsaw
carving but the heat pretty much zapped my energy
today so i called it done...kicked off my shoes and
did a little porch sitting.

as for tomorrow...i hope to get that table built so
i can get started on some carving....

 

Walking in Sadness

i spent some time yesterday evening

walking this medicine wheel

thinking about my life

talking with God

i struggle with how to "be"

in this world

i just...

struggle

 

can you feel

the 

sadness?

 

Bird Murmuration on Crack

sleepless

cacophony thoughts

bipolar

Where Are You Spark?

"so much depends upon the lighting of this fire...

so neatly laid. a platform of kindling...a floor of 

fine twigs snapped from the underside of a fir...

a nest of shredded bark over which broken pine

branches are balanced to draw the flame upward.

plenty of fuel...plenty of oxygen. all the elements

are in place. but without the spark it is only a pile

of dead sticks. so much depends on the spark."

where are you

spark?

Thankful For Guardian Angels

spent today working on red tail hawk 

for my tree sculpture

with my newest toy

sweat

sawdust

right brain

the only relief

frightening bipolar 

episode

power tools

three sleepless nights

not the best option

but

necessary

thankful

for

guardian

angels

Heartsore

"when you sit in silence long enough

you learn that silence has a motion.

it glides over you without shape or form

exactly like water. its color is silver.

and silence has a sound you hear only

after hours of wading inside it. the sound

is soft...like flute notes rising up...

like the words of glass speaking."

"i have this strange sense that my silence is

preparing me for something i can't name..."

some days

 so heartsore

silence 

my only 

companion

Fly

this

 how it feels

 bipolar
up...down

neither easy

tonight...

i just want to

fly

One of Those Days

word's maelstrom dance

through my mind

 music only they hear

 a cyclone of winter's leaves

here   then   there

they ride away

on the back of a bird's song

 i sit quietly

with the waiting of their

homecoming