God-Haunted Righteousness

"we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the
best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will
turn out to be." ~ c.s. lewis


there is anger

so much anger

not directed at him

but...

god 


 

The Wolf At My Door

few things in life are worse than

lies that steal someone's faith

Jus' One of Those Days

sometimes the greatest source of our suffering

are the lies we tell ourselves

tonight finds me screaming at the stars:

fuck it

That Last Glance

snow

we don't get too much of it around here

and when we do folks tend to go a little

nuts...rushing out for bread and milk

...ending up in ditches

 

now that i'm retired i choose a simpler way

of dealing with it...spending the day with one of

my favorite author's new book. he writes of the seedy

side of life...victims...law enforcement officers

it's nice to be able to read about it instead of

 having to deal with it

two of my friends and officers were shot 

yesterday...along with two other officers i didn't

know... ambushed while on a domestic violence

call...always the most dangerous of situations. they

are expected to be ok but one of the others is in

critical condition. every one who makes their living

protecting others knows that last glance at your

home and loved ones before you leave could be

your last

i've been sending up prayers for det. roby

who is fighting for the chance of another

glance. if you are so inclined...he could use

your prayers also 

 

The Weight of Words

the weight of words

some things in life can not be fixed

...they can only be carried

this piece began with a picture of my front

porch taken with the slow cam app on my

iphone. i added the figure and background 

writing with procreate..texture in distressed fx

 then finished by adding letters across her back

 in path on. 

if you could smell this picture.... 

it would smell of 

sadness

Wearing Myself Down

the year 2017 kicked my ass

that's not a complaint

it's a fact

 

this year isn't starting out much better

i think counseling might help...but

no insurance

no money

fear

....not sure they won't send the

men in the little white suits

instead of self medicating

...drugs

...alcohol

i'm immersing myself in art

 

i've never been one who could choose

a single path when it comes to art

...or anything else to be honest

so i dabble

little of this

little of that

trying to wear myself down

to who i'm meant to be

my goal is to survive the wearing

away in order to become that person

it's all i can hope for

Time's Up

ordered mine!!!!!

times up now

I'M A TURKER!

i haven't had much to say on here lately

poor excuse of a blogger

i apologize to those of you who have

been kind enough to read about my

crazy life.

i've recently started doing some marketing

research through amazon's mturk program.

it gives me a little mad money

to me....a lot of the jobs i do feel

like playing games...not something you'd

ever get rich doing but once you build up

your approval rate it's not unrealistic to 

expect to bring in an extra $500 - $600

a month. 

anywhoooooo....

that's my excuse 

just wanted to let you 

know i won't be posting

as often for a while as i

try to build up my approval rate

i'm officially a

turker

Truth #10

truth....

Naked And Flawed

what does it feel like

 to stand

naked

and

flawed...

 

if it feels like

you versus the world

chances are it's really

you versus

yourself

The Spirit of Women

i can't help but think

how much kinder

this world would be

withwomen's

leadership

Keeper of the Feathered Ones

often

it's the ones 

who fly solo

that have the 

strongest wings

The Lost Words

"once upon a time...words began to

vanish from the language of children.

they disappeared so quietly that at first

almost on one noticed... until one day

they were gone.

but there is an old kind of magic for

finding what is missing...and for

summoning what has vanished. if the

right spells are spoken...the lost

words might return...."

beautyFULL book

Bee Fever

i love this.....

Small Town Lonely

"ain't no hell on earth

like small town lonely

where every person

knows where you've been

and what's happened to you

and every one of them

made their decision

once or twice

about whether you was right

or wrong

in what's gone past

and everybody but you

knows how their mind's made up"

Merciful

i become

weak

discouraged

exhausted

angry

frustrated

unhappy

confused

but someone

within me

is resolute

and i try

again

within us lives a

merciful being who helps

us to our feet however many

times we fall

and for this

i bow my head

in gratitude

ROFLMAO

that first time your child comes to

you for parenting advice about their

teenager after vowing never to be

like you when they grow up....

Paulus Berensohn

do you journal

i am forever beginning them

but lack the "stick to it ness"

to journal daily

i would love to have taken

a class at penland with paulus

i am just in awe of this man

his outlook on life is something

i aspire to

i have the dvd of his life

"to spring from the hand"

one of my treasures

in it he is asked what will

be done with all his journals 

after his passing and he said he

wanted them to be hung up in a

tree and allowed to return to the earth

this past june he left this world

in my mind's eye i can see his

many journals decorating the

tree of honor

when paulus's health begin to decline

he chose to be interred in at carolina

memorial sanctuary...an eco friendly

natural burial cemetery

he preordered a cardboard coffin which

he and his friends painted and collaged

this is a photo of his interment

such a special man.....

Brief Lives

"goodbye...brief lives

ablaze with tenderness

today the glory of the leaves

is enough...for i am learning anew

to release all i cannot hold

these moments of luminous grace

saying here and here is beauty

here grief:

this is the way to come home"

A Thing Made of Holes

"there is a time in life when you expect the world to be

always full of new things. and then comes a day when 

you realize that is not how it will be at all. you see that

life will become a thing made of holes...absences...losses

things that were there and no longer. and you realize

too..that you have to grow around and between the gaps."

trying.....

Truth #9

my being whole is

questionable

 not so my

lack

of 

perfection

i can

live

with that

Express Gratitude

continuous practice

day after day

is the 

most

appropriate way of expressing

gratitude

this means that you

practice continuously

without wasting a single day

of your

life

without using it for your

own sake

why is it so

your life is a 

fortunate outcome

of the continuous practice of the

past

you should 

express

your gratitude

immediately

I Done Old..I Done Tire..But I Ain't No Ways Done

planning a trip to columbia museum of art

to see the

 henri matisse 

exhibit

stumbled across the art of

tyrone geter

on their site

i done old

i done tire

but i ain't no ways done

oh...tyrone

i'm right 

there

with ya

Walking in Their Shoes

 i rode up to the southern arts society gallery in

kings mountain nc this morning to 

see my friend lucy warlick's exhibit

these are just a few of her paintings

they are all based on photos taken during the

great depression by photographers like john vachon..

arthur rothstein.. ben shahn...and russell lee

i lost myself in the stories for most of 

the morning

her goal for this series was to "entice people

to exercise their empathy muscles by putting 

themselves in the shoes of the subjects of

her paintings"

well done...my friend

What If......

what if......

The Journey

first stage:

denial

hope is the denial of reality

second stage:

anger

the intoxication of anger

shows us to others

but hides us from ourselves

third stage:

bargaining

one must always hope when 

one is desperate

and doubt when one hopes

fourth stage:

depression

depression is something that

makes you lose your sight

fifth stage:

acceptance

life is hard

then you die

then they throw dirt in your face

then the worms eat you

be grateful it happens in that order

An Artist's Eye

 texture

pattern

 

color

 

elicit such

strong

emotions

 

whisper

to me

 

powerful

 

synesthesia

spiritual

Forgive Me

 making

peace

with my

pieces

All A Heart Needs

i'm still

 breathing

Be Kind To Yourself

wise words....

It Will All Work Out

"if this phrase scares you 

or you laugh it off... that's fine

but it's fairly

 undeniable

 to some extent

 it doesn't matter if you break up with the person you thought you

 loved

 or lost someone close

maybe you failed at something you tried your best at

or lost your job

maybe you 

forgot 

who you are and became someone you 

didn't like

there's a million scenarios in which you can feel like things

 aren't going well

in your favor... or ever going to turn up
they will work out 

through all the shit you ever face

 everything does have a way of 

resolving

there's always a new way

 to end something than how you've imagined

 and what may seem like

 the end of the world

is really just the passing of a moment

 life is

 fleeting

and with it all things included within

 keep your 

chin up

 as much as you can

 push on as well as you can

we are meant to

 persist

 to keep going

to lose and to gain

 it will all work out

 venture onward"

Cup of Joy

image by sarah jerath

 

 

“we need to be 

angels 

for each other 

to give each other

 strength

 and 

 consolation 

because only when we fully realize

 that the cup of life is not only a

 cup of sorrow

 but also a

  cup of joy

 will we be able to drink it.”

Still

"how lightly we learn to hold

hope

as if it were an animal that could

turn around and

bite

your hand

and still we

carry

it the way a mother would

carefully

from one day to the next"

i don't want to

but... i do

still

Truth #8

Yard Art Day 2017

it's 

yard art day

check out

#yardartday

#yardartday2017

on 

instagram

to see everyone's

art

Shinrin Yoku

happy camper

happy

camper

started back

hiking

this week

my 

lems

are the only things

i have been able to wear

since breaking my toes

until recently

these boots are like being

barefoot

flat..flexible..wide

hiking 2.5 miles

daily

now after my morning

meditation

shinrin yoku

forest therapy

food for my

soul

 

MALF

i try 

NOT

to hate things

but

fire ants

i get bitten at least

once a day

granted i'm most often

barefoot

still

they're just 

mean ass

little f*ckers

'Bout Ready

got my

owl

carved and added to

the post today

cut my

 other 

owl from the 

tree

and mounted it on a stump

all that

needs

doing now is

installing my

kindness matters

sculpture and i'll be

ready for 

yard art day

this labor day

september 4th