a step towards peace......

“the simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. a persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that

places harmony in one's life."

~ peace pilgrim

wishing you peace and well-being on this cold winter's day......

ball's shoe shop

"the shoe that fits one person pinches another;

there is no recipe for living

that suits all cases."

~ carl gustav jung

chasing shadows

"a shadow cannot ignore the sun that all day creates and moves it."

~ rumi

no sun today to create..... or chase around.... shadows

spent my day in a bone chilling rain

i'm blessed to be able to come home

to a warm house

and a good cup

of joe......

the phoenix has risen!

what an absolutely BEAUTIFUL morning! i'm sitting on my porch with a great cup of joe....listening to a kzillion happy birds....and watching the sun rise. this day zeros out being sick for the last week......and even though my house looks like resurrection city......guess who's spending this awesome day OUTSIDE................

heartfelt......

"the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.....

they must be felt with the heart."

~ helen keller

wishing you a happy valentine's day........

dancing........

"every tree and plant in the meadow seemed to be dancing...

those with average eyes

would see as

fixed and still."

~ jalal al-din rumi

being among nature's gifts

makes my soul dance.......

calming the volcano......

"if your heart is a volcano....

how shall you expect

flowers to bloom?"

~kahlil gibran

i find that photography calms the volcano

in my heart....

a single step......

"the longest journey begins with a single step... not with a turn of the ignition key."

~edward abbey

consumed by silence.....

i have spent this last week consumed by silence. i sometimes wear silence like a shield.....i've found that most people recognize it as such and will honor the unspoken request to be left alone. these are the times that i fight the voice whispering in my ear to flee....where to...i haven't got a clue.....just that i need to go...away.....alone....searching.... for what...again....not a clue....just....something... always the seeker...filled with a wanderlust so strong that my body aches....the gypsy blood pulsing through my veins like a madness....seducing me to forsake family and friends to seek some higher life...

i become introspective during these times....devouring books by the dozens...looking for answers to my unknown questions....i anesthetize myself with alcohol.....overindulge in foods....self destruct....self destruct....self destruct....until i wake up shaking....bleary eyed....weak.....to a new day....and the sun is shining......and i'm still here.....where i'm expected to be. i'll rise....put on my mask....once more....quell my gypsy soul...and return to the drudgery of being my unauthenic self......

each time i resist the call.... i fade a little more.....dimmer...and.... dimmer...extinquishing the fire of my soul....bit by bit...knowing in my heart that if i don't feed that fire...then...one day... all that will be left will be charred...blackened pieces of who i was supposed to be....

and to that woman i want to say.......forgive me.

my sacred space......

lakota prayer

wakan tanka... great mystery

teach me how to trust

my heart

my mind

my intuition

my inner knowing

the senses of my body

the blessings of my spirit.

teach me to trust these things

so that i may enter my sacred space

and love beyond my fear

and thus walk in balance

with the passing of each glorious sun.

according to the native people... the sacred space is the space

between exhalation and inhalation.

to walk in balance is to have heaven (spirituality)

and earth (physicality) in harmony.

praying for harmony

seeking peace

still.....

the crazy ones......

here’s to the crazy ones...

the misfits... the rebels... the troublemakers.

the round pegs in the square holes.

the ones who see things differently.

they’re not fond of rules...

and they have no respect for the status quo.

you can praise them...disagree with them...quote them...

disbelieve them...glorify or vilify them.

about the only thing you can’t do is ignore them...

because they change things.

they invent...they imagine...they heal...

they explore...they create...they inspire.

they push the human race forward.

maybe they have to be crazy...

how else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?

or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?

or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

while some may see them as the crazy ones...

we see genius.

because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world...

are the ones who do.


(Advertisement for Apple Computer)

quietly listening to my heart.......

"listen to your heart....it knows all things....because it came from the Soul of the World...and it will one day return there. wherever your heart is....that is where you'll find your treasure."



"my heart is afraid that it will have to suffer........."



"fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself...no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.....because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."



"there is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."



"when you want something....all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

~ paulo coelho......the alchemist

this book..........another sign from the universe that i'm on the right path in my journey...the words are coursing through my blood..... with each beat of my knowing heart.....sending this seeker forward....staring down the eyes of fear.....for....."fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand........"

namaste - i honor your spirit which is also in me

breaking of the bread

a proverbial "breaking of the bread" this cold sunday morning.............my own special church...

it's not the barley or the wheat

it's not the oven or the heat

that makes this bread so good to eat

it's the needing and the sharing

that makes the meal complete

~ unk

a franciscan benediction

a franciscan benediction

may god bless you with DISCOMFORT at

easy answers, half-truths, and superficial

relationships so that you may live deep

within your heart.

may god bless you with ANGER at injustice,

oppression, and exploitation of people so that

you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

may god bless you with TEARS to shed for

those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation,

and war, so that you may reach out your hand

to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

and may god bless you with enough FOOLISHNESS

to believe that you can make a difference in this world

so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

on this bitter cold winters night..... i am blessed with discomfort....anger....tears....and foolishness....and know in my heart that it's all a part of a greater plan for my life..... a metamorphosis...as i climb the precipitous roads on my journey to peace....the summit is ever in the distance....but it's there.....and i continue my pilgrimage........

the need for silence

"see how nature.....trees...flowers...grass....grows in silence.....see the stars....the moon...and the sun....how they move in silence....we need silence to be able to touch souls." ~ mother teresa

chosen

the universe is whispering
in my ear
it’s words
coursing through my blood
i lay down my sword
bow my head
arms lifted
supplication
love


i drink the message
intoxicated
humbled
fall
to my knees
gratitude
blessed
beyond words
indeed


i have been chosen
to serve
you
the universe
has gleamed
the way
mold me
shape me
breathe greatness
into my life
i am your clay

life's journey

"all of life is a journey....which paths we take....what we look back on....and what we look forward to....is up to us. we determine our destination....what kind of road we will take to get there...and how happy we are when we get there." ~ bob moawad

i love this view.........every time i travel this road..... it calls my name...........

listening to shadows

listening to shadows

sometimes
on quiet nights
you walk
across my heart
your whispering tread
playing
a staccato
of memories
within my head

when the footsteps fade
and we’re…. again
apart
i sip wine
listen to shadows
and the rending of my heart…

the journey

the journey

one day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice ....

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"mend my life!"

each voice cried.

but you didn't stop.

you knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

it was already late enough,

and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

but little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do ...

determined to save

the only life you could save.

~ mary oliver ~

a grey winters day........

grey days always find me quieter than usual....i tend to fold in on myself....not so much gloomy...or depressed....but...reflective....contemplative.....philosophical...

perhaps these are the times that my inner psyche is recharging .....a small holiday from the many daily wars i wage with myself...

i pulled over at this boat landing between calls today and drank in the grey dullness of the water.... while the rain poured in the window of my car.....even on this bone chilling...rainy day.... being near water nourished my soul.....as the crows sang to me a cacophony song of peace....

my ambition.........

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands...." 1 Thessalonians 4:11

muscari

since the weather has warmed enough to get outside today i took a stroll around the yard to see if i could tell what i've lost to the unusual cold we've had here. there are quite a few of my "chillrens" that aren't looking like they'll be here come spring.....sadly.....my newest cryptomeria is one of them.....i pray she'll prove me wrong.......

but.........look what i stumbled across back near the woods.....the muscari have decided to make an appearance....

only a gardener would get drunk on the elixir of this sight......welcome back little ones.....i pause in celebration of your return....and anxiously await your coronation of purple crown......

singing to my soul.........

i sit…quietly reading….on this pale winter’s morning….when i am drawn back into the present by the vociferous singing of a male cardinal......perched on a skeletal limb of my hydrangea bush. how can i even explain how this birds "singing" gladdens my soul…so reminiscent of warm summer mornings…his brilliant red a spot of glorious color in my sleeping garden…what an amazingly beautiful gift i have been given this day... to visualize summer as i hibernate in the overpowering grey of winter.........

absolute attention........

"absolute attention is prayer.........if one looks long enough at almost anything.....looks with absolute attention at a flower....a stone...the bark of a tree.....grass.....snow.......a cloud.....something like revelation takes place. something is "given".....and perhaps that something is always a reality outside the self. we are aware of GOD only when we cease to be aware of ourselves....not in the negative sense of denying the self....but in the sense of losing self in admiration and joy." ~ may sarton

in the sad and tender light of this winter's day.....i am humbled by the riches GOD has given me.....and lose myself in the admiration and joy of this day.........

eric joisel

there is origami......and then there is ERIC JOISEL origami............awesome!

feeding my soul........

i don’t know what it is about this time of the year that causes our skies to become transformed into great works of art…….i had to pull off the side of the road on my journey home this evening…. to bask in the colors of this day’s end….it smites me with it’s beauty…and nourishes my soul……….

january 9, 2010

i am lost in my shopping
picking up items to nourish my body
the good parmesan cheese
some wine
my favorite tortilla soup
a pot of flowers to soothe my soul
i turn the corner and you’re standing before me
my heart starts like some frightened winged thing
how are you i ask…as i pass on by
you answer to my back… in that voice you use to distance yourself
then i feel the warmth of your hand on my shoulder
but i just walk away
my mind explodes with white hot lights
and my heart draws in upon itself
i find myself in the check out line……hurry….hurry
please….. just let me get out of here
on the drive home i feel the electricity of your touch on my shoulder
and when i reach the safety of my house
i remove my sweater and hold the spot that you touched to my face
and swallow down the grief rising in my chest

saturday morning supplications........

saturday morning has decided not to offer up it's usual morning sunrise..... floating over the tops of my cyprus trees.... there's no semblance of warmth on another bitterly cold day.... instead i look out over a misty grey frost covered morning as i plan my day. my old tom cat sits on the doorstep.... hunched against the cold..... in silent commensuration....as i listen to a small sparrow's fussing chatter because i've let the birdfeeder run out of seed again. i feel we all ....the three of us..... are quietly sending up supplications for spring....and warm weather.

as i sat..... earlier.... having my breakfast of toast and local honey..... i was reminded of a poem by julian huxley:

"like sudden blossom on the naked trees

memories shoot; the place is all alive

with questing thoughts that like spring-quickended bees

find and bear back rememberance to my hive."

on this cold winter morning.......i'm remembering warm sunny mornings full of bird song and the smell of flowers.....and feeling the ache of the cold in these old bones..........

the pancake project

art created out of pancakes......who'd of thunk it?

check out more pancake art here.

brrrrrrrrr....

enough already.......this is the south!

this is the ice on the hood of my car......AFTER driving into work....

should have just put on my brass bra and broomed in.......

"i'm cold...as cold....as cold can be........"

peace.....

peace: hush.....repose....serenity.....tranquillity.....silence......stillness......calmness......

quiescence....calm.....quietude.....rest.......
i've noticed a trend for picking a "word of the year" on many of the blogs that

i follow. i haven't picked a word....it seems to have picked me. for the last month

i've been drawn to peace symbols....i wear them on my wrists....i have peace

symbol earrings....one hangs from the rear view mirror of my car.....peace....

the last part of 2009 kicked my axis off kilter and left me struggling... trying to find

balance after a tumultuous upheaval to my soul.......and all i wanted was to find

peace within myself.........

i adorned myself with peace symbols long before most of you were even born.....i was....indeed...

a child of the 70's....but the peace i seek now is a truer peace...deep....spiritual....comforting....

so as i explore the paths i feel may lead me to this peace....i will bear the weight of many

peace symbols.....i want to feel their touch on my skin.... to remind me of the treasure i seek.

always the gypsy......i begin another sojourn....this crisp new year.....towards peace.....my

word of the year..........PEACE........

farewell 2009

farewell 2009......i've packed my bag....i'm not looking back.........

it's time to turn to a crisp new page.....set ink to the paper that begins the next chapter in my life. i'm not looking to write a great novel.....just a 'feel good'....happy....read..... worth curling up in a chair with a good cup of joe.....

i'm not one to make resolutions.....we all know good intentions pave the road to hell........but i do hope to be a little kinder.....gentler....to myself in this coming year.... this old warrior....marked with the battle scars of fifty seven years...needs to lay down her sword and shield.....and turn over the rock of life she's fought for so valiantly......to reveal the carved word underneath......."PEACE".......

a winter's sunrise

"there was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise....or hope."

~bern williams

this amazing sunrise enveloped me on my way to work this morning......

it took my breath away................

inspiration

.....believe

"keep believing that you have the passion...intelligence...brilliance...creativity...

depth...and savvy to find that quiet center of solace...serenity...and strength

necessary to create and sustain an authentic life. every day is the prayer.

an authentic life is the most personal form of worship. when you start

believing....you'll discover that all things are really possible."

~ sarah ban breathnach

christmas 2009

wow...............ouch! ouch! ouch!.........justjody is glad this day is behind her! i can honestly say i've never had a christmas like this one....... no tree........no decorations.....no family.......i wuz the grinch from hell this year! i'm sitting here soothing my soul with some good wine and tunes..... thinking i really need to snap outta this funk! i'm sure it doesn't make for good reading and it..... for sure..... isn't doing me a bit of good! i apologize for being such a downer lately. when i started this blog i told myself i wouldn't post anything negative and here i've been letting my bleeding old heart ooze all over cyberspace. sorry....sorry.....sorry.... god promises a safe landing....not a calm passage.... i don't need to waste what is on what was.....or what might have been.....

i did a little porch sitting tonight............i couldn't see any stars because this christmas night wears a blanket of fog....but i knew they were up there....i felt their glow....carassing me..... like the warm rays of the sun.....drying the tears from my face....gladdening my heart. as i listened to the quiet of the fog....i felt a peace i haven't had in a while now......and the healing began............

the sand dancer

wisdom

look at this absolutely AMAZING picture of andrew wyeth.... taken by photographer and filmmaker andrew zuckerman for his new book WISDOM............WOW!" Inspired by the idea that wisdom is the greatest gift one generation can give to another, award-winning photographer and filmmaker Andrew Zuckerman interviewed, photographed and filmed 50 of the world’s great writers, actors, artists, designers, politicians, musicians and religious and business leaders of our time. He posed seven questions to each of his subjects—all over 65 years of age—and their candid responses offer uniquely inspirational and often surprising insights. " ~ amazon.com

i LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! this book. the photographs are brilliant...... and make me want to reach into the pages and trace each face with my fingers.....committing them forever in my mind. i devoured this book.............

the fixer.......

i am a fixer…..from as far back as i can remember….i am the one people come to with their problems….their pain....i am the strong one…..the one who gets things done….i am the fixer. i’ve taken care of my parents…..my siblings……my children….friends……and with my job….victims of all race…creed….and situation…..but…..who fixes the fixer? people assume that my strong exterior goes all the way to the core of my being….wish they could be like me….but.....they see only the face i offer up to the world….when in reality…..it’s a daily battle to keep the fragile pieces that make up who i am from imploding ….with sound of a thousand fine crystal glasses.... breaking….. falling….. tinkling….. and glittery….. into a pile..... on the floor….leaving only an image.... like that burned into the memory of your eye from a searing light...... i’ve become a master at hiding the real me…….the most noble actor on this stage called life.....covering up the sound of the chains i carry…..and the quiet click of the door closing in my heart..... so……who fixes the fixer? i can soothe her each night with wine…and music…..i can make her rise each morning and force her to put on her mask and cape…… and send her out into the world to fight the evils of another day…..but I can’t fix her…..i can’t fix her……who fixes the fixer?

wanderer

wanderer......

your footsteps are the road....

and nothing more.

wanderer......

there is no road.

the road is made by walking.

and upon glancing behind.....

one sees the path......

-Antonio Machado

thank you for your sacrifice..........

"Rest easy... sleep well my brothers

Know the line has held..... your job is done

Rest easy..... sleep well

Others have taken up where you fell......the line has held

Peace, peace, and farewell..." ~ unk

a chester morning......

i went into town this morning before work to take a couple of shots of our christmas lights. our city hall stands proudly atop the hill in all her finery. she's a wonderfull old building....full of squeaky wooden floors.......and history. i like that our flag spends it's nights as silent guard to the entrance.... instead of being folded away at day's end.... our proud flag....our proud city.....our proud county....state......country.......

our city is graced with some of the most beautiful old homes.....what a great place for 'porch sitting'.....

this is our christmas shop......full of trees.....ornaments.....and christmas cheer........

i love the icy blue colors of this wreath at anna's arbor.......

christmas is best viewed thru a child's eyes.......with a child's wonder......walking the streets this morning.....all alone....in the foggy mist.....i felt the hand of my younger self slip into mine...and watched a wide.... crooked toothed grin spread across her freckled face..... as she looked around in delight..... at the small wonderland we call home......and as i watched her quick smile.....i felt the scowl that has long graced my old.... worn.... face.... melt into a matching ....crookedy toothed grin....and for a few minutes.....basked in a childish joy... at the multitude of twinkling stars...before the sun peeked over the hill....in chester...south carolina...........

asylum

check out this book by christopher payne "asylum is a haunting, beautiful book of lost dreams and lost minds. it is a reminder that society's ideals deteriorate more rapidly than the structures built to facilitate them. asylums for the insane, which started with high intentions, usually ended in horror and neglect." ~ kay redfield jamison

you can purchase this book here.

rainy days and revenants........

what is it about rainy days that call revenants to visit my doorstep…..whispering things i don’t want to hear….would bleed to forget? why can’t these pages torn from some long ago calendar stay in the past….instead of besieging my mind and soul ….causing me to listen with the ear of my heart….the sting of tears in my eyes…..chest tight with pain….grasping for some semblance of control over these tumultuous feelings. i grow so weary of burying the past…..over ……and over….and over. that story is no longer there girl…it’s characters have all moved on to the next chapter…..except for you…..the lone actor still trying for an encore performance after all these years….i fold these memories carefully and tuck them neatly inside my heart….like a flower from some happy time…. pressed in my favorite book……knowing that inevitably i’ll turn to that page at some future date and the memories will come spilling out like angry hornets…..turning me into a living revenant….a ghost of the person i was….like energy released from a fervent fire….soaring among the sparks and ash….making my way heavenward…. to become inscribed among the stars….. as a lesson to others…….this is what happens when you give your whole heart and forget to save an ember for a future fire………..

only kindness matters.........

" if i could tell the world just one thing

it would be that we're all ok

and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

and useless in times like these

i won't be made useless

i won't be idle with despair

i will gather myself around my faith

for light does the darkness most fear.....

.....in the end......only kindness matters......."

~jewel

let your light shine........

look within your very centered space and see the part of you that is pure spirit.....pure light.... pure energy. visualize all your limitations falling away.... one by one... until you are safe... healed ...and whole. know that no matter what is going on in your life...no matter how difficult things may be... at the very center of your being you are safe.... and you are whole. you always will be. lifetime after lifetime... you are a shining spirit....a beautiful light. sometimes you come to this planet and cover your light and hide it.... but the light is always there. as you let those limitations go...and as you recognize the true beauty of your being.... you shine brilliantly. you are love...you are energy.....you are spirit. you are the spirit of love shining brightly. let your light shine. ~ louise hay

having one of those days...........

it's the nature of an enigma to remain unsolved...........and inscrutability means just what it says...........who can say why someone holds a mortgage on your soul....leaving you to wear them for the rest of your life......like a scar.......

find your creativity

to find your creativity you have to leave the city of your comfort

and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

you can't get there by bus...only by hard work, risk,

and by not knowing what you are doing

or where you are going.

what you discover will be wonderful.

what you discover will be yourself ~ alan aida

my symphony

to live content with small means

to seek elegance rather than luxury

and refinement rather than fashion

to be worthy.... not respectable

and wealthy.... not rich

to study hard.... think quietly

talk gently..... act frankly

to listen to stars and birds... to babes and sages...

with open heart

to bear all cheerfully.... do all bravely

await occasions.....hurry never

in a word.... to let the spiritual.... unbidden ......and unconscious

grow up through the common........ this is to be my symphony

~William Henry Channing

.......for bette

sending you hugs and kisses on the wind.........



i miss you mom........