how is it that we lose ourselves in the wanting instead of the having?
i have found that the more time i spend alone the less i want...and i have
spent most of this lifetime alone. my few forays from this way of life have
all taken a toll on my well being....always something like standing on a
precipice when you are bipolar. we bipolars see the world through different
eyes...we think deeper...feel deeper...over analyze every situation...and when
we let ourselves get too happy...too content...we self sabotage because we
don't think we deserve that...and retreat again into our own private worlds.
i've added another mark on this old scarred heart of mine. i knew better than
to 'want'. i fought this last battle like the warrior that my mother raised...but...
now...bloody and spent...i concede...my head bowed in acceptance. it was
inexpressibly beautiful while it lasted... i will always count it as one of
my blessings. and now...as always...i will meet each day with the best that
i have to give...and with prayers... and gratitude...and a wonderment for life.
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