my ambition.........

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands...." 1 Thessalonians 4:11

muscari

since the weather has warmed enough to get outside today i took a stroll around the yard to see if i could tell what i've lost to the unusual cold we've had here. there are quite a few of my "chillrens" that aren't looking like they'll be here come spring.....sadly.....my newest cryptomeria is one of them.....i pray she'll prove me wrong.......

but.........look what i stumbled across back near the woods.....the muscari have decided to make an appearance....

only a gardener would get drunk on the elixir of this sight......welcome back little ones.....i pause in celebration of your return....and anxiously await your coronation of purple crown......

singing to my soul.........

i sit…quietly reading….on this pale winter’s morning….when i am drawn back into the present by the vociferous singing of a male cardinal......perched on a skeletal limb of my hydrangea bush. how can i even explain how this birds "singing" gladdens my soul…so reminiscent of warm summer mornings…his brilliant red a spot of glorious color in my sleeping garden…what an amazingly beautiful gift i have been given this day... to visualize summer as i hibernate in the overpowering grey of winter.........

absolute attention........

"absolute attention is prayer.........if one looks long enough at almost anything.....looks with absolute attention at a flower....a stone...the bark of a tree.....grass.....snow.......a cloud.....something like revelation takes place. something is "given".....and perhaps that something is always a reality outside the self. we are aware of GOD only when we cease to be aware of ourselves....not in the negative sense of denying the self....but in the sense of losing self in admiration and joy." ~ may sarton

in the sad and tender light of this winter's day.....i am humbled by the riches GOD has given me.....and lose myself in the admiration and joy of this day.........

eric joisel

there is origami......and then there is ERIC JOISEL origami............awesome!

feeding my soul........

i don’t know what it is about this time of the year that causes our skies to become transformed into great works of art…….i had to pull off the side of the road on my journey home this evening…. to bask in the colors of this day’s end….it smites me with it’s beauty…and nourishes my soul……….

january 9, 2010

i am lost in my shopping
picking up items to nourish my body
the good parmesan cheese
some wine
my favorite tortilla soup
a pot of flowers to soothe my soul
i turn the corner and you’re standing before me
my heart starts like some frightened winged thing
how are you i ask…as i pass on by
you answer to my back… in that voice you use to distance yourself
then i feel the warmth of your hand on my shoulder
but i just walk away
my mind explodes with white hot lights
and my heart draws in upon itself
i find myself in the check out line……hurry….hurry
please….. just let me get out of here
on the drive home i feel the electricity of your touch on my shoulder
and when i reach the safety of my house
i remove my sweater and hold the spot that you touched to my face
and swallow down the grief rising in my chest

saturday morning supplications........

saturday morning has decided not to offer up it's usual morning sunrise..... floating over the tops of my cyprus trees.... there's no semblance of warmth on another bitterly cold day.... instead i look out over a misty grey frost covered morning as i plan my day. my old tom cat sits on the doorstep.... hunched against the cold..... in silent commensuration....as i listen to a small sparrow's fussing chatter because i've let the birdfeeder run out of seed again. i feel we all ....the three of us..... are quietly sending up supplications for spring....and warm weather.

as i sat..... earlier.... having my breakfast of toast and local honey..... i was reminded of a poem by julian huxley:

"like sudden blossom on the naked trees

memories shoot; the place is all alive

with questing thoughts that like spring-quickended bees

find and bear back rememberance to my hive."

on this cold winter morning.......i'm remembering warm sunny mornings full of bird song and the smell of flowers.....and feeling the ache of the cold in these old bones..........

the pancake project

art created out of pancakes......who'd of thunk it?

check out more pancake art here.

brrrrrrrrr....

enough already.......this is the south!

this is the ice on the hood of my car......AFTER driving into work....

should have just put on my brass bra and broomed in.......

"i'm cold...as cold....as cold can be........"

peace.....

peace: hush.....repose....serenity.....tranquillity.....silence......stillness......calmness......

quiescence....calm.....quietude.....rest.......
i've noticed a trend for picking a "word of the year" on many of the blogs that

i follow. i haven't picked a word....it seems to have picked me. for the last month

i've been drawn to peace symbols....i wear them on my wrists....i have peace

symbol earrings....one hangs from the rear view mirror of my car.....peace....

the last part of 2009 kicked my axis off kilter and left me struggling... trying to find

balance after a tumultuous upheaval to my soul.......and all i wanted was to find

peace within myself.........

i adorned myself with peace symbols long before most of you were even born.....i was....indeed...

a child of the 70's....but the peace i seek now is a truer peace...deep....spiritual....comforting....

so as i explore the paths i feel may lead me to this peace....i will bear the weight of many

peace symbols.....i want to feel their touch on my skin.... to remind me of the treasure i seek.

always the gypsy......i begin another sojourn....this crisp new year.....towards peace.....my

word of the year..........PEACE........

farewell 2009

farewell 2009......i've packed my bag....i'm not looking back.........

it's time to turn to a crisp new page.....set ink to the paper that begins the next chapter in my life. i'm not looking to write a great novel.....just a 'feel good'....happy....read..... worth curling up in a chair with a good cup of joe.....

i'm not one to make resolutions.....we all know good intentions pave the road to hell........but i do hope to be a little kinder.....gentler....to myself in this coming year.... this old warrior....marked with the battle scars of fifty seven years...needs to lay down her sword and shield.....and turn over the rock of life she's fought for so valiantly......to reveal the carved word underneath......."PEACE".......

a winter's sunrise

"there was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise....or hope."

~bern williams

this amazing sunrise enveloped me on my way to work this morning......

it took my breath away................

inspiration

.....believe

"keep believing that you have the passion...intelligence...brilliance...creativity...

depth...and savvy to find that quiet center of solace...serenity...and strength

necessary to create and sustain an authentic life. every day is the prayer.

an authentic life is the most personal form of worship. when you start

believing....you'll discover that all things are really possible."

~ sarah ban breathnach

christmas 2009

wow...............ouch! ouch! ouch!.........justjody is glad this day is behind her! i can honestly say i've never had a christmas like this one....... no tree........no decorations.....no family.......i wuz the grinch from hell this year! i'm sitting here soothing my soul with some good wine and tunes..... thinking i really need to snap outta this funk! i'm sure it doesn't make for good reading and it..... for sure..... isn't doing me a bit of good! i apologize for being such a downer lately. when i started this blog i told myself i wouldn't post anything negative and here i've been letting my bleeding old heart ooze all over cyberspace. sorry....sorry.....sorry.... god promises a safe landing....not a calm passage.... i don't need to waste what is on what was.....or what might have been.....

i did a little porch sitting tonight............i couldn't see any stars because this christmas night wears a blanket of fog....but i knew they were up there....i felt their glow....carassing me..... like the warm rays of the sun.....drying the tears from my face....gladdening my heart. as i listened to the quiet of the fog....i felt a peace i haven't had in a while now......and the healing began............

the sand dancer

wisdom

look at this absolutely AMAZING picture of andrew wyeth.... taken by photographer and filmmaker andrew zuckerman for his new book WISDOM............WOW!" Inspired by the idea that wisdom is the greatest gift one generation can give to another, award-winning photographer and filmmaker Andrew Zuckerman interviewed, photographed and filmed 50 of the world’s great writers, actors, artists, designers, politicians, musicians and religious and business leaders of our time. He posed seven questions to each of his subjects—all over 65 years of age—and their candid responses offer uniquely inspirational and often surprising insights. " ~ amazon.com

i LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! this book. the photographs are brilliant...... and make me want to reach into the pages and trace each face with my fingers.....committing them forever in my mind. i devoured this book.............

the fixer.......

i am a fixer…..from as far back as i can remember….i am the one people come to with their problems….their pain....i am the strong one…..the one who gets things done….i am the fixer. i’ve taken care of my parents…..my siblings……my children….friends……and with my job….victims of all race…creed….and situation…..but…..who fixes the fixer? people assume that my strong exterior goes all the way to the core of my being….wish they could be like me….but.....they see only the face i offer up to the world….when in reality…..it’s a daily battle to keep the fragile pieces that make up who i am from imploding ….with sound of a thousand fine crystal glasses.... breaking….. falling….. tinkling….. and glittery….. into a pile..... on the floor….leaving only an image.... like that burned into the memory of your eye from a searing light...... i’ve become a master at hiding the real me…….the most noble actor on this stage called life.....covering up the sound of the chains i carry…..and the quiet click of the door closing in my heart..... so……who fixes the fixer? i can soothe her each night with wine…and music…..i can make her rise each morning and force her to put on her mask and cape…… and send her out into the world to fight the evils of another day…..but I can’t fix her…..i can’t fix her……who fixes the fixer?

wanderer

wanderer......

your footsteps are the road....

and nothing more.

wanderer......

there is no road.

the road is made by walking.

and upon glancing behind.....

one sees the path......

-Antonio Machado