Dare Spiritum Meum

consummatum est

et inclinato capite tradidit spiritum

~o~

A Different Quiet

"i have learned that if you must leave
a place that you have lived in and loved
and where all your yesterdays are buried
deep...leave it any way except a slow way
leave it the fastest way you can. never turn
back and never believe that an hour you
remember is a better hour because it is dead.

passed years seem safe ones

while the future lives in a cloud

formidable from a distance

the cloud clears as you enter it"

this house tonight

a different quiet

this night

darker

i sit

 in vacant contemplation

of nothing...

In the Eye of God

"i want... first of all...to be at peace with myself.

i want a singleness of eye...a purity of intention...

a central core to my life that will enable me to 

carry out these obligations and activities as well

as i can. i want...in fact...to borrow from the

language of the saints...to live "in grace" as much

of the time as possible. by grace i mean an inner

harmony...essentially spiritual...which can be

translated into outward harmony. i would like to

achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from

which i could function and give as i was meant

to in the eye of God."

The Wilderness in the Mind

 "it is not physical solitude that actually separates one

from others...not physical isolation...but spiritual

isolation. it is not the desert island nor the stony

wilderness that cuts you from the people you love.

it is the wilderness in the mind...the desert wastes

in the heart through which one wanders lost and

a stranger. when one is a stranger to oneself then

one is estranged from others too. if one is out of 

touch with oneself...then one cannot touch others.

only when one is connected to one's own core is

one connected to others. and...for me...the core...

the inner spring...can best be refound through

solitude."

My Week So Far......

i live on four acres in the country.

the good thing (???) is:   there is

always something to do to keep myself

busy...which is how i manage my mood

swings.

i started this week on sunday...mother's day... by

cutting grass and then tearing down the fencing

and poles around this chicken coop.  the grass

was overgrown inside and there were large rocks

all around the perimeter...soooo

i made another rock stack in front of the derelict

house on my property.

monday i cleaned up all the wood and wire from
sunday...removed all the nails and staples from
the wood and carried it to the recycle pile at the
back of my property.

tuesay i finished the chainsaw carving of my barn
owl and rested up before going to my weekly group
meeting with some fellow artists.

wednesday i made a "deep south" storage shed for
my mower by tearing off half of the covered porch
on the side of the derelict house

not pretty...i know...but i'd rather spend the money

it would take to build a shed on the tools i need

for my chainsaw art!

and today i pulled the nails from all the porch decking
and wood..stacked the recyclable pieces...burned the
junk..pulled up some metal fence posts that were
protecting a fig bush that didn't make it..put out
some snake deterrent around the house and sheds...
put some ant deterrent out around my screened
porch (i don't know WHAT they are after!)...

i cut back this butterfly bush (this made me SAD)

this bush is over ten yrs old and at one point was

higher than my house but the weight of it caused

the bush to fall over and no amount of staking would

keep it off the ground so i cut it back.. then trimmed

the high grass and vinca from under the bird feeder...

which i refilled.

i wanted to build a support table for my chainsaw
carving but the heat pretty much zapped my energy
today so i called it done...kicked off my shoes and
did a little porch sitting.

as for tomorrow...i hope to get that table built so
i can get started on some carving....

 

Walking in Sadness

i spent some time yesterday evening

walking this medicine wheel

thinking about my life

talking with God

i struggle with how to "be"

in this world

i just...

struggle

 

can you feel

the 

sadness?

 

The Gift of Flight

i finally got around to finishing my

barn owl today.

this is the second of three trees

that i promised to honor by making 

them a piece of art.

 

do we capture a spirit when we

create an effigy...their thoughts...

their dreams?

 

i hope by giving this tree wings

that it's spirit is given the 

gift of flight...

 

Yes Please......

the little black shack

great mackerel beach

new south wales

    yes please....

Carhartt Women

 a special shout out to

all the other fierce
hard working
hard playing
carhartt women
soft but strong
unapologetic and honest
ennobled by their scars
who look a challenge
dead in the eye
and give it a
  wink

happy mothers day to all

Baby Steps

i've started a new project

a barn owl

this is just the roughing out stage

done entirely with my chainsaw

 

 

this is what i started with

i didn't have to sit with this one

the owl stared back at me

immediately

i can feel that i'm gaining better

control of my chainsaw

 

baby steps...

The Hidden Life of Trees

did you know...

 

 when animals begin eating the leaves of a tree

 that tree gives off a scent to warn other trees nearby 

causing them to produce toxins in their leaves 

to discourage the animals?

 

when insects feed on a tree the

tree "tastes" the insect's saliva...recognizing the 

species...and sends out scents that attract

the predators of that insect? 

in a forest...if one tree isn't well the 

neighboring trees will send nutrients

via their root systems to support the ailing

tree?

scientists have recorded sounds emitting

from the root system of trees thought to

be a form of communication?

this book....

a MUST read

We Are All Story Keepers

Deep-Singer, Story Keeper from Elementum Journal on Vimeo.

we are all story keepers

  sing your song...

Too Jody

georgia okeeffe

doesn't she epitomize the definition

of a strong woman?

 

i have always admired strong women.

from my early teens through adulthood

i chose my aunt edith as my role model.

she lived the most interesting life and i

wanted to be just like her. my family all

had a different opinion of her...she was

just... "too edith"

 

most everyone in my family has told me at 

one time or another that i remind them of her.

 i'm not sure they always mean that as a 

compliment ...but i choose to take it that way. 

i try to be a strong woman

but inside...

i'm a lost little girl seeking

love and approval

 

i wear the mask of a strong woman

i have days when i can pull off

that persona exceptionally well

today is not one of them....

Wood Spirit

yesterday was the first day i played

with my chainsaw after a three week

lay about waiting for my broken toes

to heal. this is the first face i've ever

carved...trying for a wood spirit. i was

just happy to be able to be outside

working....and walking!

i am...

I'm Still Standing

i often wonder why anyone would want to read

about my struggles...but there is a part of me that knows

sharing these daily scrimmages is the right thing to do.

everyone has their own wars

we seek connection...we seek ourselves in others to prove
we are not the only ones with broken pieces. 

we are all part of the scar clan 

life isn't always easy when you are born
with an oceanic heart. you feel things too
deeply...see things differently...love too fiercely
but that's ok
you become a warrior
life hardens you off just enough that inside
you remain tender but on the outside 
you are strong
and you greet each day
shield and sword in hand
and cry out
im
still
standing

 

DTs

did i mention that i've given up coffee?

day 5

  sigh...

 

Watching Stars

 

 

3:00am finds me 

watching stars

star watchers

kindred spirits

i love this painting 

by Mary Newcomb

 

I Can Crawl

i can't fly

and...

recovering from four broken toes

can't run

or even walk well

but...

i

can

crawl

It's Time.....

it's time...

Let Go

weight

infinitely bent

let go

 

there are all types of weight

i carry many

responsibility

sorrow

guilt

 body

it all comes down to

letting go

hard for a

control freak

but

i'm

  trying

CAUTION.......

 

caution

coffee detox

this head